It turned out to be a really good weekend, the culmination of weeks of planning, the 'last of the summer wine' evening at Rosehill.
I'm very fond of Rosehill theatre on the outskirts of Whitehaven. Unlike the theatre by the lake in Keswick, it struggles to get funding and customers sometimes! Keswick theatre has lottery funding and many well-to-do sponsors who like to have their names on seat and plaques....
Rosehill on the other hand is in the process of trying to get funding. In the meantime, a group of us have been raising funds for a particular Rosehill project, the community Shakespeare project. We are fortunate to have two lovely ladies from London who travel up to coach us: Bardy, who used to be the principle of RADA and who has recently coached Lenny Henry and Catherine Tate for their Shakespearean debuts. And Jennie, also ex RADA, actress, director and mother-in-law of David Schwimmer. They charge Rosehill a fraction of what they would normally charge for coaching and we are really lucky to have their experience and skill. They make the characters come alive and the direction we get is phenomenal!
Why the fundraising? Well, although many of us have paid towards the coaching, the aim is to make these workshops accessible for everyone, whether they can afford to pay or not. There are so many young actors in the area who are keen and talented, not to mention the adults who find £50 for a weekend just a bit too much.
So we decided to have this event to raise funds. And as its not a charity, the idea was to give people an entertaining evening for their money. They got a 3 course meal, free glass of wine and entertainment all for £15 . Bargain!
We spent ester say preparing the food and what an enjoyable experience it turned out to be. All those hotel jobs I had years ago came into their own and my catering skills returned...
Chopping fruit for the fruit salad, boiling huge pans of new potatoes, great fun.
The guests all had a great time, with entertainment provided by Marianne and her open mic chums. She ended the evening with her favourite medley of wartime classics, which went down quite well.
While some of the team waited on tables, I stayed in the kitchen, washing up and clearing. Nobly assisted by Geoffrey, a lawyer who has never been that close to an industrial dishwasher in his life!
The highlight of the evening for me was showing Jeffers ( as he has now been christened by our RADA friends) how to be a kp, as we used to call kitchen porters.
With young Callum as compere, the evening was a success. Wish I'd had his confidence when I was 17...
We raised about £580, and enjoyed it in the process.
Roll on the next fundraiser :-)
Xx
Sunday 30 September 2012
Friday 28 September 2012
A day in the life
It was a long, tiring day yesterday. I went to the PPMA show at the NEC, which is the Packaging machinery manufacturers Association... sounds enthralling I know, but I actually did find it interesting and was on the lookout for some new mixing vessels, along with some packing machines, plus I was on a mission to find out what's new in the world of extrusion technology! Even though it's 2012, a lot of these guys haven't yet got used to the fact that there are women in the engineering world, so I find that even though I address questions directly to them about the machine performance/spec, etc, they direct their answers back at my male assistant. And I'm stood there wondering if they actually want the business or not!
Anyway, that aside, it was a tiring day, mostly because of the 3.5 hour drive down and the 4.5 hour drive back again due to an accident closing the M6.
So I arrived at work this morning at 7.30 still tired after yesterday. Straight into business as usual - I had two contractors on site this morning and both arrived together - sod's law! One came to investigate a problem with our moisture analysis equipment, which has been throwing up an error message that isn't in the manual, so I delegated this guy and talked to the other one, an electrical engineer here to install a new plc in part of the plant, along with an ethernet connection to my office (so I can see what's going on!)
After that, I had the usual 30 or so emails to sort out after a day away, then I had to sit down with another of my staff as she's away for the next 2 weeks and we needed to cover stuff that will come up while she's away. Just finished that and another member of the team came in with a quality problem that happened yesterday; quite a serious one as the product involved is a new one due for launch soon and I expect it to be looking perfect for a launch! I find out some details and go down to the manufacturing plant to see what happened.
As some of you know, my relationship with the Team leader down there has been a little fragile at times (understatement). When I was quite low, his attitude turned into almost bullying and I just didn't have the strength to fight back.
So I go down this morning and ask what went wrong and his immediate reaction is to snap at me and bang his fist on his desk. Now a sensible person might have handled it differently from me, but when was I sensible? He went on to shout that my staff had passed the fucking colour in the first place, so it was my fault. I shout back.My staff passed the COLOUR yes, but that is not the issue - it's the finish of the damned item that's wrong and his staff are responsible for that - I have provided standards that they are supposed to use at all times.
He reacts - calling me a f**ing idiot, his staff are laughing at me, he says. I'm a waste of space and the products will be used anyway, because what he says goes and I'm too weak to do anything about it! He is 100 times tougher than me, he yells, smashing his fist down once more to prove it...
This time I bite back. Don't you f**ing swear at me like that. And do not bang the desk. This product is rejected and if you want to see tough, watch this space and I will show you tough. with that I swan out of his office and immediately send all the faulty product back to him.
And this time I will NOT back down. I told the MD I am making a stand and that this time there is no going back from it. So we will see what happens on Monday...
But the good thing is that I will no longer be bullied by that man. From now on, he will see what tough looks like.
And by the time all that was over, it was nearly time to go home. Luckily we finish at 12 on Fridays, so a nice relaxing walk with Archie was in order for the afternoon.
My conflict has not upset me personally, but I am angry that my staff will now find it hard to do their jobs properly because of his territorial attitude. He's like an un-neutered dog peeing up the walls of his department to prevent any of us entering his territory!
I feel quite good about standing up to him though. The only thing that would have made me feel even better would have been to come home, tell someone I'd had a bit of a bad day and for them to give me a big hug and say "it's OK now, you are home with me!"
Instead, I got nagged about going shopping and spending more money, plus 20 questions about whether I was bad tempered or depressed....
Ah well, nothing's ever perfect! The afternoon was good with Archie and now I am enjoying a nice glass or two of Cote du Rhone and listening to some lovely music.
Peace to you my friends xx
Anyway, that aside, it was a tiring day, mostly because of the 3.5 hour drive down and the 4.5 hour drive back again due to an accident closing the M6.
So I arrived at work this morning at 7.30 still tired after yesterday. Straight into business as usual - I had two contractors on site this morning and both arrived together - sod's law! One came to investigate a problem with our moisture analysis equipment, which has been throwing up an error message that isn't in the manual, so I delegated this guy and talked to the other one, an electrical engineer here to install a new plc in part of the plant, along with an ethernet connection to my office (so I can see what's going on!)
After that, I had the usual 30 or so emails to sort out after a day away, then I had to sit down with another of my staff as she's away for the next 2 weeks and we needed to cover stuff that will come up while she's away. Just finished that and another member of the team came in with a quality problem that happened yesterday; quite a serious one as the product involved is a new one due for launch soon and I expect it to be looking perfect for a launch! I find out some details and go down to the manufacturing plant to see what happened.
As some of you know, my relationship with the Team leader down there has been a little fragile at times (understatement). When I was quite low, his attitude turned into almost bullying and I just didn't have the strength to fight back.
So I go down this morning and ask what went wrong and his immediate reaction is to snap at me and bang his fist on his desk. Now a sensible person might have handled it differently from me, but when was I sensible? He went on to shout that my staff had passed the fucking colour in the first place, so it was my fault. I shout back.My staff passed the COLOUR yes, but that is not the issue - it's the finish of the damned item that's wrong and his staff are responsible for that - I have provided standards that they are supposed to use at all times.
He reacts - calling me a f**ing idiot, his staff are laughing at me, he says. I'm a waste of space and the products will be used anyway, because what he says goes and I'm too weak to do anything about it! He is 100 times tougher than me, he yells, smashing his fist down once more to prove it...
This time I bite back. Don't you f**ing swear at me like that. And do not bang the desk. This product is rejected and if you want to see tough, watch this space and I will show you tough. with that I swan out of his office and immediately send all the faulty product back to him.
And this time I will NOT back down. I told the MD I am making a stand and that this time there is no going back from it. So we will see what happens on Monday...
But the good thing is that I will no longer be bullied by that man. From now on, he will see what tough looks like.
And by the time all that was over, it was nearly time to go home. Luckily we finish at 12 on Fridays, so a nice relaxing walk with Archie was in order for the afternoon.
My conflict has not upset me personally, but I am angry that my staff will now find it hard to do their jobs properly because of his territorial attitude. He's like an un-neutered dog peeing up the walls of his department to prevent any of us entering his territory!
I feel quite good about standing up to him though. The only thing that would have made me feel even better would have been to come home, tell someone I'd had a bit of a bad day and for them to give me a big hug and say "it's OK now, you are home with me!"
Instead, I got nagged about going shopping and spending more money, plus 20 questions about whether I was bad tempered or depressed....
Ah well, nothing's ever perfect! The afternoon was good with Archie and now I am enjoying a nice glass or two of Cote du Rhone and listening to some lovely music.
Peace to you my friends xx
Thursday 20 September 2012
Angry people
Today I witnessed a very angry scene in a car park. Not sure what triggered it, but when I arrived, there were several very, very angry people shouting at each other over what I assumed was a car parking space. I'm talking real, red in the face anger here, the use of obscenities that would make a navvy blush...
I had to watch for a minute or two in complete amazement. Why on earth would anyone get so angry about parking? Unbelievable.
It's not an isolated incident though. There's so much anger everywhere nowadays. Road rage, shopper shouting, it's everywhere. In meetings at work, the anger can be felt - its in the air...
One of my previous counsellors told me once that what I needed was to 'get angry' at the people who had affected me. When I argued that i don't believe anger does any good in any situation, she got a bit angry with me. I needed to be angry, she said, so that I could see how I'd been treated and stand up and do something about it. Like what- shout obsceneties and scream at people? Why?
I don't need to get angry to sort things out. I can achieve more at work than those angry souls who seem to waste so much effort on their fury that they lose sight of the original issue. Ok, I may be a softie, but nothing will ever persuade me that angers the best policy......
I had to watch for a minute or two in complete amazement. Why on earth would anyone get so angry about parking? Unbelievable.
It's not an isolated incident though. There's so much anger everywhere nowadays. Road rage, shopper shouting, it's everywhere. In meetings at work, the anger can be felt - its in the air...
One of my previous counsellors told me once that what I needed was to 'get angry' at the people who had affected me. When I argued that i don't believe anger does any good in any situation, she got a bit angry with me. I needed to be angry, she said, so that I could see how I'd been treated and stand up and do something about it. Like what- shout obsceneties and scream at people? Why?
I don't need to get angry to sort things out. I can achieve more at work than those angry souls who seem to waste so much effort on their fury that they lose sight of the original issue. Ok, I may be a softie, but nothing will ever persuade me that angers the best policy......
Sunday 16 September 2012
Cars and stuff
Bought a new car today. A red panda. Haven't got it yet cos it's brand new and on the way from Italy. Should be exciting, shouldn't it?
But it's just a car, just something that gets you from A to B.
The advantage of the new version is that the road tax is virtually nothing as its an 'Eco' car. Plus it's cheaper to run - more mpg apparently.
Had a lovely walk today, over walla and along to Ashness. Very quiet now the schools are back, and a nice moody sky, though quite warm. Archie is excellent at walking past sheep now without looking sideways at them. I don't need to put him on lead, he walks calmly by my side until we are past the sheep, then carries on with his sniffing and jumping...
Last weekend of the c-art exhibition too. It hasn't done as well as we hoped. We've all sold some cards, Sarah sold a painting and Angela sold some bits of jewellery, but quiet overall. Don't think I'll do it next year.
Enjoyed the pencil heads gathering this morning, a lovely demo by Shirley on skin and portraits in cp. very good indeed. Busy day all in all. Hairdresser in the morning, it's all go. Joy of joys :)
Don't get me wrong, I'm not falling back into depression, just monotony.... Anyway, it is possible to be lonely yet not depressed.
Wish I could upload photos onto this blog on this iPad, but it doesn't like it!
Maybe I should use the pc once in a while, but the iPad is handier....
This has been a garbage blog post, hasnt it? Just bits of nowt!!!
Enough, already.....
But it's just a car, just something that gets you from A to B.
The advantage of the new version is that the road tax is virtually nothing as its an 'Eco' car. Plus it's cheaper to run - more mpg apparently.
Had a lovely walk today, over walla and along to Ashness. Very quiet now the schools are back, and a nice moody sky, though quite warm. Archie is excellent at walking past sheep now without looking sideways at them. I don't need to put him on lead, he walks calmly by my side until we are past the sheep, then carries on with his sniffing and jumping...
Last weekend of the c-art exhibition too. It hasn't done as well as we hoped. We've all sold some cards, Sarah sold a painting and Angela sold some bits of jewellery, but quiet overall. Don't think I'll do it next year.
Enjoyed the pencil heads gathering this morning, a lovely demo by Shirley on skin and portraits in cp. very good indeed. Busy day all in all. Hairdresser in the morning, it's all go. Joy of joys :)
Don't get me wrong, I'm not falling back into depression, just monotony.... Anyway, it is possible to be lonely yet not depressed.
Wish I could upload photos onto this blog on this iPad, but it doesn't like it!
Maybe I should use the pc once in a while, but the iPad is handier....
This has been a garbage blog post, hasnt it? Just bits of nowt!!!
Enough, already.....
Thursday 13 September 2012
Fun factory
Today I was reminded why I like my job so much. After getting bogged down in environmental management systems for a while, this week I returned to the parts of the job that are satisfying.
Firstly, I did some colour matching, for a special 12 pencils to be launched soon. Then I got a capital request signed off for a new cutting machine, so I've spent a couple of days specifying that with the supplier and sourcing new bushes at the right size for our new sized products.
Then today, there were some problems with a machine in the factory which was giving everyone trouble to fix. Because it was one that I bought in the first place, I was called to have a look. It's a huge machine, a bulk powder dispensing machine; we load ton bags of clay onto it and it dispenses the required quantity into bags, by feeding the powder up a screw feed into a hopper on some load cells. Once the hopper has reached the correct weight, the clay is dropped through a pipe into a bag below....
Anyway, the backlight on the LCD had blown this morning and in the process had tripped the machine, losing the original settings. So I found myself working though the plc program to reinstate the settings. Very satisfying when I got the thing going again, despite getting covered in china clay!
Don't you just love it when a plan comes together?
Weekend again tomorrow and another busy one for me. Lunch out tomorrow, then pencil heads meeting Saturday, along with the continuing c-art exhibition at the pencil museum. That's on Sunday too, then all to dismantle...
The only thing that I don't like at the moment is how dark the mornings are getting when I get up for work. The air smelled of winter today:(.
Roll on next summer.......
are satisfying.
Firstly, I did some colour matching, for a special 12 pencils to be launched soon. Then I got a capital request signed off for a new cutting machine, so I've spent a couple of days specifying that with the supplier and sourcing new bushes at the right size for our new sized products.
Then today, there were some problems with a machine in the factory which was giving everyone trouble to fix. Because it was one that I bought in the first place, I was called to have a look. It's a huge machine, a bulk powder dispensing machine; we load ton bags of clay onto it and it dispenses the required quantity into bags, by feeding the powder up a screw feed into a hopper on some load cells. Once the hopper has reached the correct weight, the clay is dropped through a pipe into a bag below....
Anyway, the backlight on the LCD had blown this morning and in the process had tripped the machine, losing the original settings. So I found myself working though the plc program to reinstate the settings. Very satisfying when I got the thing going again, despite getting covered in china clay!
Don't you just love it when a plan comes together?
Weekend again tomorrow and another busy one for me. Lunch out tomorrow, then pencil heads meeting Saturday, along with the continuing c-art exhibition at the pencil museum. That's on Sunday too, then all to dismantle...
The only thing that I don't like at the moment is how dark the mornings are getting when I get up for work. The air smelled of winter today:(.
Roll on next summer.......
are satisfying.
Tuesday 11 September 2012
Cold calling
I usually dislike receiving cold calls from people trying to sell me something, although I'm usually polite to the caller who after all is only doing a job to earn money.
Today I did some cold calling of my own; another new experience for me! It was on a voluntary basis though, not for cash. Went to Rosehill theatre to try and sell tickets for our fundraising evening in aid of the Shakespeare development at the theatre. It will be a good evening I think, with a three course meal, free glass of wine, entertainment and a raffle, all for £15. Plus me and the others waiting on tables!
But i now know what it's like to be a cold caller. It's not easy to do, but I have to say everyone was very polite to me and it made me glad that I'm never rude to the people that call me!
One of the things I am doing prior to the fundraising dinner is a Shakespeare workshop for a weekend. Looking forward to it immensely after last year's successful show at Rosehill where I recited two sonnets on stage. This time we are basing the workshop on The Tempest, which I'm currently reading. The two coaches from last time are returning, thankfully. They are excellent: Bardy and Jenny (David schwimmer's mother-in-law). They normally coach al actors in London, so its a great opportunity for us to get the same coaching.
Better get back to the tempest, need to have it read and re- read before the workshop....
Today I did some cold calling of my own; another new experience for me! It was on a voluntary basis though, not for cash. Went to Rosehill theatre to try and sell tickets for our fundraising evening in aid of the Shakespeare development at the theatre. It will be a good evening I think, with a three course meal, free glass of wine, entertainment and a raffle, all for £15. Plus me and the others waiting on tables!
But i now know what it's like to be a cold caller. It's not easy to do, but I have to say everyone was very polite to me and it made me glad that I'm never rude to the people that call me!
One of the things I am doing prior to the fundraising dinner is a Shakespeare workshop for a weekend. Looking forward to it immensely after last year's successful show at Rosehill where I recited two sonnets on stage. This time we are basing the workshop on The Tempest, which I'm currently reading. The two coaches from last time are returning, thankfully. They are excellent: Bardy and Jenny (David schwimmer's mother-in-law). They normally coach al actors in London, so its a great opportunity for us to get the same coaching.
Better get back to the tempest, need to have it read and re- read before the workshop....
Sunday 9 September 2012
In control at last...
It's been a good few days. Nice to feel like I am in control of my life again. I say again, but really I mean it's nice to feel in control of my life for the first time ever!
I've been having a bit of a clear out. Packed up loads of clothes and books etc for the charity shop - British heart foundation is my favourite, not only because I know people who have had heart problems, but because they handle donations so well!
Yesterday I loaded the old Volvo with junk from the attic and took it to the council recycling centre. It was only as I took it all out at Flusco tip that I realised what a state the Volvo was in.
It's used principally as a dog vehicle, most of its journeys are spent transporting dogs around the country for the Lakeland Trailhound trust. So the back was covered in dog hair of all kinds, muddy paw prints, sticks, etc. while the front was muddy from boots and littered with rubbish....
So I decided to clean it out. Now did that take a while..... But it was worth it. Looking good!
Which is more than I can say for my nails. A couple of days ago they were beautifully manicured and painted, now they are chipped, broken and filthy!
That's always been one the difficult things in my job. I like being girls, but it's almost impossible to maintain when I am up to my elbows in oil inside a machine, or covered in pigment that gets behind my nails and is impossible to remove!! A girls engineer/ chemist is just not feasible sometimes.
Talking of being in control, though, I have finally organised a builder to come and sort the rising damp in the living room. Got to keep the value of the house up, you never know.....
So onward and upward. My Sunday lie in is ending soon, and I have lots to do.
Starting with Archie's walk :-)
I've been having a bit of a clear out. Packed up loads of clothes and books etc for the charity shop - British heart foundation is my favourite, not only because I know people who have had heart problems, but because they handle donations so well!
Yesterday I loaded the old Volvo with junk from the attic and took it to the council recycling centre. It was only as I took it all out at Flusco tip that I realised what a state the Volvo was in.
It's used principally as a dog vehicle, most of its journeys are spent transporting dogs around the country for the Lakeland Trailhound trust. So the back was covered in dog hair of all kinds, muddy paw prints, sticks, etc. while the front was muddy from boots and littered with rubbish....
So I decided to clean it out. Now did that take a while..... But it was worth it. Looking good!
Which is more than I can say for my nails. A couple of days ago they were beautifully manicured and painted, now they are chipped, broken and filthy!
That's always been one the difficult things in my job. I like being girls, but it's almost impossible to maintain when I am up to my elbows in oil inside a machine, or covered in pigment that gets behind my nails and is impossible to remove!! A girls engineer/ chemist is just not feasible sometimes.
Talking of being in control, though, I have finally organised a builder to come and sort the rising damp in the living room. Got to keep the value of the house up, you never know.....
So onward and upward. My Sunday lie in is ending soon, and I have lots to do.
Starting with Archie's walk :-)
Thursday 6 September 2012
End or beginning?
Today I saw my lovely counsellor for the last time. We had a really good chat, without the difficult stuff we covered previously. The nice thing is that she left me her contact details and in a few weeks or so I will be able to make contact as just a friend. She will make a great friend- we have a lot in common, so I am looking forward to going for a walk or two and discussing some of the things we both like and enjoy. And listening to her talk for a change, find out about her life...
I am also very grateful to her for the help she has given me over the last year (almost). She helped to understand how I got to be so depressed and why I had such a mammoth 'breakdown' two years ago.
I have finally got rid of some 30 year old demons, plus some 40 year old ghosts and terrors...
The Rape Crisis team are wonderful and the care they have taken with me this year is so marvellous. I can't thank them enough and one day I will do some work for them to repay the kindness.
The thought of ending the counselling with the wonderful lady was daunting, but not terrifying as it was a few months ago. I'm OK now. I can't say that I have suddenly become happy, but the optimism I used to have about everything is back and I feel in control of my life at last. No longer do I have ridiculous highs and then devasting lows. The ups and downs are still there, but the amplification is much lower.
So the next stage is the antidepressants. Do I go to the doc and try to reduce the dose? I've not been to the doctor for months, just keep getting repeat prescriptions! But am I ready to go it alone without the meds? I don't know, but I am ready to try quite soon. I know it's impossible to just stop taking them, because of the hideous experience I had one weekend in London when I forgot to take the tablets with me. I became dizzy, disorientated, and so bleak and low I was almost ready to throw myself off the hotel roof. Seriously!
anyway, it was the end of an era today, and also the beginning of another. The next one I hope will be The start of a better phase of my life. At least now I understand who I am and I am happier in my own skin. My destiny is in my own hands; mine alone. No more relying on others, or waiting for permission to let my life begin......
Life begins at 53 for me. I have had a good week eating wise. No junk, just healthy stuff and less of it! Been walking more and cross training every evening. Who knows, I might even are up that E-harmony subscription that I dabbled with when I was Ill.
Night night xx
I am also very grateful to her for the help she has given me over the last year (almost). She helped to understand how I got to be so depressed and why I had such a mammoth 'breakdown' two years ago.
I have finally got rid of some 30 year old demons, plus some 40 year old ghosts and terrors...
The Rape Crisis team are wonderful and the care they have taken with me this year is so marvellous. I can't thank them enough and one day I will do some work for them to repay the kindness.
The thought of ending the counselling with the wonderful lady was daunting, but not terrifying as it was a few months ago. I'm OK now. I can't say that I have suddenly become happy, but the optimism I used to have about everything is back and I feel in control of my life at last. No longer do I have ridiculous highs and then devasting lows. The ups and downs are still there, but the amplification is much lower.
So the next stage is the antidepressants. Do I go to the doc and try to reduce the dose? I've not been to the doctor for months, just keep getting repeat prescriptions! But am I ready to go it alone without the meds? I don't know, but I am ready to try quite soon. I know it's impossible to just stop taking them, because of the hideous experience I had one weekend in London when I forgot to take the tablets with me. I became dizzy, disorientated, and so bleak and low I was almost ready to throw myself off the hotel roof. Seriously!
anyway, it was the end of an era today, and also the beginning of another. The next one I hope will be The start of a better phase of my life. At least now I understand who I am and I am happier in my own skin. My destiny is in my own hands; mine alone. No more relying on others, or waiting for permission to let my life begin......
Life begins at 53 for me. I have had a good week eating wise. No junk, just healthy stuff and less of it! Been walking more and cross training every evening. Who knows, I might even are up that E-harmony subscription that I dabbled with when I was Ill.
Night night xx
Saturday 1 September 2012
Weighty blog
Healthy eating started again today. I have realised that I've put loads of weight on over the past couple of years.
It would be easy to blame the antidepressants that I take: one of the side effects listed is 'increased appetite'! However, I've been on those pills for almost three years now, so I should have got used to the effects by now. I'm just eating too much and not exercising enough.
I have gained over one and a half stones, which isn't good. I only realised when I started puffing and panting going up the steeper hills!
It's not that I care what I look like, indeed that doesn't matter a bit, to me or anyone else. No- one to care whether I'm fat or thin. But I like my walking and if I can't do it so well, it's time to do something about it.
So, no more junk food. Longer walks and more cycling. the only downside is that if I get too healthy I may live longer. Bugger!
Was a long day today. The exhibition was quiet; too much time to think. I prefer to keep busy.
It's so great that the schools go back next week though. I will be able to park my car outside my own house again, will be able to go to the post office without the queue being out of the door. Best of all I will be able to go on my favourite walks without meeting hordes of people in the country lanes!
So the new exercise regime will start with a long walk down Borrowdale next weekend, school- children free!
Anyway, it's 9pm, so I am off to bed. I know hoe to live it up on a Saturday night. :-)
Goodnight my dear friends.
It would be easy to blame the antidepressants that I take: one of the side effects listed is 'increased appetite'! However, I've been on those pills for almost three years now, so I should have got used to the effects by now. I'm just eating too much and not exercising enough.
I have gained over one and a half stones, which isn't good. I only realised when I started puffing and panting going up the steeper hills!
It's not that I care what I look like, indeed that doesn't matter a bit, to me or anyone else. No- one to care whether I'm fat or thin. But I like my walking and if I can't do it so well, it's time to do something about it.
So, no more junk food. Longer walks and more cycling. the only downside is that if I get too healthy I may live longer. Bugger!
Was a long day today. The exhibition was quiet; too much time to think. I prefer to keep busy.
It's so great that the schools go back next week though. I will be able to park my car outside my own house again, will be able to go to the post office without the queue being out of the door. Best of all I will be able to go on my favourite walks without meeting hordes of people in the country lanes!
So the new exercise regime will start with a long walk down Borrowdale next weekend, school- children free!
Anyway, it's 9pm, so I am off to bed. I know hoe to live it up on a Saturday night. :-)
Goodnight my dear friends.
Friday 31 August 2012
Where I left off..
It's been quite a while since I did a blog post. I've been really busy and not had much time to think about what to write.
Suddenly I realised its September again tomorrow. Can't believe it, the time just seems to leap by in big chunks!
I have done some lovely things this year, seen some fabulous places, met some really nice people. I suppose it's been a very good year.
Highlights have included the Olympics, of course, trips to France, Jersey and Denmark.
But I think my favourite was the little camping trip with Archie! Spending a night under canvas with a little fury hot water bottle snuggled up beside me, listening to the night sounds outside, was just so special.
He's such a loyal companion; loves me unconditionally and never asks for anything in return, other than a nice walk. His tail wags constantly, he smiles all the time and the welcome I get when I come home from work is worth a million pounds.
Short blog post this to get me back into it again! Early start tomorrow, to get my little man out for his walk before I go down to the pencil museum to man our c-art exhibition from 10 till 5.
Another busy day ahead!
Suddenly I realised its September again tomorrow. Can't believe it, the time just seems to leap by in big chunks!
I have done some lovely things this year, seen some fabulous places, met some really nice people. I suppose it's been a very good year.
Highlights have included the Olympics, of course, trips to France, Jersey and Denmark.
But I think my favourite was the little camping trip with Archie! Spending a night under canvas with a little fury hot water bottle snuggled up beside me, listening to the night sounds outside, was just so special.
He's such a loyal companion; loves me unconditionally and never asks for anything in return, other than a nice walk. His tail wags constantly, he smiles all the time and the welcome I get when I come home from work is worth a million pounds.
Short blog post this to get me back into it again! Early start tomorrow, to get my little man out for his walk before I go down to the pencil museum to man our c-art exhibition from 10 till 5.
Another busy day ahead!
Wednesday 15 August 2012
Time
I don't seem to have enough time these days. Time that is to do nothing!
In my efforts to keep myself busy leaving no time to think or feel sorry for my silly self, I seem to have taken on so much that I'm in a constant state of diary watching. Which day is it and what am I doing today, kind of thing.
Good in many ways in that I've achieved what I wanted - no thinking time. But now I find I haven't got a free weekend until mid November!
And I wanted to get more cycling in before the nights are too dark.
Very busy this week sorting out the ukcps exhibition entries. Sending out emails, notifications, invites, etc. also folding and packing newsletters for posting to all the members.
Trouble with volunteering for things like that is that it has to be fitted in around everything else. Not all of the members realise that all the work done is voluntary and get a little impatient for information.
I need to try and do some drawing or painting too, as I have some exhibitions coming up, but I doubt I'll have the time to do enough new stuff. Will have to dredge up some older work!
Anyway, the result of all the stuff I'm doing is that I'm flipping tired. After the Olympic stint, then headlong into all the other stuff, I have the 26 mile 3 peaks walk on Sunday. Then a trip to jersey next week, then on my return the exhibitions, Shakespeare workshops, choirs, etc etc.
Being tired doesn't help the depression either, so I do find I get a bit more down than I should. But it shouldn't get too bad as I don't have the time to let it.
The only thing is I could really use a hug. In the absence of anybody to hug though, I'll just keep
busy....
By the way, I was featured in the company blog this week. Here is a link to it. I think it's a bit soppy now reading it back, but hey ho!
In my efforts to keep myself busy leaving no time to think or feel sorry for my silly self, I seem to have taken on so much that I'm in a constant state of diary watching. Which day is it and what am I doing today, kind of thing.
Good in many ways in that I've achieved what I wanted - no thinking time. But now I find I haven't got a free weekend until mid November!
And I wanted to get more cycling in before the nights are too dark.
Very busy this week sorting out the ukcps exhibition entries. Sending out emails, notifications, invites, etc. also folding and packing newsletters for posting to all the members.
Trouble with volunteering for things like that is that it has to be fitted in around everything else. Not all of the members realise that all the work done is voluntary and get a little impatient for information.
I need to try and do some drawing or painting too, as I have some exhibitions coming up, but I doubt I'll have the time to do enough new stuff. Will have to dredge up some older work!
Anyway, the result of all the stuff I'm doing is that I'm flipping tired. After the Olympic stint, then headlong into all the other stuff, I have the 26 mile 3 peaks walk on Sunday. Then a trip to jersey next week, then on my return the exhibitions, Shakespeare workshops, choirs, etc etc.
Being tired doesn't help the depression either, so I do find I get a bit more down than I should. But it shouldn't get too bad as I don't have the time to let it.
The only thing is I could really use a hug. In the absence of anybody to hug though, I'll just keep
busy....
By the way, I was featured in the company blog this week. Here is a link to it. I think it's a bit soppy now reading it back, but hey ho!
Monday 13 August 2012
It's all over now
The Olympics, that is.
I know that among my friends there are mixed feelings about the Olympics. Some have loved it, as I have; some have hated every second and others have been completely indifferent and just got on with their lives ignoring all references to the games.
Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, depending which side of the fence you're on, I have enjoyed almost every minute of the last two and a half weeks. The atmosphere in London was the best it has ever been to a 'northern outsider' like me. People actually talked to each other. And the gamesmaker uniform I wore every day gave people the confidence, or maybe the good humour to start a conversation with me, even on the tube. The tube, a place where looking someone in the eye, never mind speaking to them, is considered a complete no-no. But this last fortnight, I've had more conversations with tube travellers than I would have thought possible!
The visiting spectators were absolutely wonderful and so full of fun that it was impossible not to smile from ear to ear. The whole experience was 'feel good' from start to finish and I'm so glad I volunteered.
And now it's over. I have slight Olympic withdrawal, even though my last two days down there were spent feeling rough as old bulls lugs. I managed to get heatstroke last Thursday after a particularly long shift in the blazing sun with no hat and not enough water to drink. So I spent two days in bed, getting every hour or more frequently to throw up, then changing from freezing cold to boiling in a second. Most unpleasant, but not bad enough to ruin my Olympic experience. And now I am home and back at work, all is normal again.
Talking of being back at work, I am amazed by something that happened there recently. There's a guy who is a bit of a bully and in the past has given me a bit of a hard time at work. He's aggressive, quite unpleasant and difficult. He and his wife split up a while ago and the surprise for me is that he almost immediately met another woman and is enjoying a new relationship!
What tf am I doing wrong? If a person like that can meet someone so quickly and form a relationship, what is wrong with me? Lol! Maybe I'm just too nice; maybe there are just more women than men of a certain age who are single! Or maybe I'm too bloody fussy!
Or maybe I should have been born a man. If a man chases women it's quite a respectable thing to do, but if a woman does it, she musts appears desperate and needy (chases a man that is, not a woman!)
Ah well, Ive decided they're a waste of time anyway. Better to stick with Archie :-)
Talking of which, the two of us are embarking (!) on a new adventure this weekend. We are going camping. I'll let you know how that one goes!
Meanwhile, time to chill and enjoy the calm after the storm that was London 2012.....
I know that among my friends there are mixed feelings about the Olympics. Some have loved it, as I have; some have hated every second and others have been completely indifferent and just got on with their lives ignoring all references to the games.
Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, depending which side of the fence you're on, I have enjoyed almost every minute of the last two and a half weeks. The atmosphere in London was the best it has ever been to a 'northern outsider' like me. People actually talked to each other. And the gamesmaker uniform I wore every day gave people the confidence, or maybe the good humour to start a conversation with me, even on the tube. The tube, a place where looking someone in the eye, never mind speaking to them, is considered a complete no-no. But this last fortnight, I've had more conversations with tube travellers than I would have thought possible!
The visiting spectators were absolutely wonderful and so full of fun that it was impossible not to smile from ear to ear. The whole experience was 'feel good' from start to finish and I'm so glad I volunteered.
And now it's over. I have slight Olympic withdrawal, even though my last two days down there were spent feeling rough as old bulls lugs. I managed to get heatstroke last Thursday after a particularly long shift in the blazing sun with no hat and not enough water to drink. So I spent two days in bed, getting every hour or more frequently to throw up, then changing from freezing cold to boiling in a second. Most unpleasant, but not bad enough to ruin my Olympic experience. And now I am home and back at work, all is normal again.
Talking of being back at work, I am amazed by something that happened there recently. There's a guy who is a bit of a bully and in the past has given me a bit of a hard time at work. He's aggressive, quite unpleasant and difficult. He and his wife split up a while ago and the surprise for me is that he almost immediately met another woman and is enjoying a new relationship!
What tf am I doing wrong? If a person like that can meet someone so quickly and form a relationship, what is wrong with me? Lol! Maybe I'm just too nice; maybe there are just more women than men of a certain age who are single! Or maybe I'm too bloody fussy!
Or maybe I should have been born a man. If a man chases women it's quite a respectable thing to do, but if a woman does it, she musts appears desperate and needy (chases a man that is, not a woman!)
Ah well, Ive decided they're a waste of time anyway. Better to stick with Archie :-)
Talking of which, the two of us are embarking (!) on a new adventure this weekend. We are going camping. I'll let you know how that one goes!
Meanwhile, time to chill and enjoy the calm after the storm that was London 2012.....
Friday 3 August 2012
Bus to Alperton
One of the interesting things for me about being an Olympic games maker is the fact that I can now direct you to most places in the wembley area. Ask me where you can get a bus to Alperton, a train to Marylebone or Ruislip and I can point you in the right direction. If you want a cash point or a McDonalds or indeed TGIFridays, I can get you there no problem!
As for the tube stations, I spend every day yelling (with or without megaphone) that wembley park is to the left (jubilee and metropolitan lines) and wembley central is on the right (Bakerloo line)
What use this will be in the future I have no idea!
Another thing I particularly like is the variety of questions I am asked by the spectators. Mostly directions to the stadium, arena or public transport, but occasionally I get a gem.
One foreign gentleman looked puzzled as I yelled 'wembley central to your left.'
He came over and I could see he wanted to ask something. 'can I help you sir?', said I.
'which way to wembley central?' he asked.
'do you need the tube station? Say I.
'no. Where is my house?' he asked with an anguished expression.
Needless to say, this one was beyond me.
The other morning, we were told that we could go into the Arena to watch a couple of hours of badminton. However, we were not allowed to go in our uniforms and must put a T shirt or similar over our red and purple shirts so as not to stand out for the cameras. I had no such thing with me. My team leader, who by the way is a first rate team leader, by far the best out of all of them, pointed out that there was a JD sports shop just around the corner and I had 10 minutes to nip round and get a cheap shirt.
Off I ran, only to find that JD did not open until 10 am and it was only 9 am. What to do? Then I spotted a Lidl nearby and rushed inside on the off chance I could find something. Up and down the aisles, but no t shirts. Suddenly, I thought I saw something. A green t shirt? No, men's pyjama set, green top and chek shorts. But faced with the time limit, I had no choice. I grabbed the green top, ran to the checkout and tried to buy it. Thenassistantmwasnt going to have it. Part of a set, she said.
Don't need the other bit, I argued. After some persuading, I finally managed to pay for said pyjama top and ran back just in time to get into the arena.
So, if you happened to be watching the badminton the other day and happened to a bright green top, with a picture of someone sleeping on the front, that was me in my men's pyjama top!
I guess the other thing I like about doing this, is the break from being a manger and having to make decisions, tell people what to do, etc. how nic it is to be told what to do for a change and not have to think.....
Bacck to reality soon, so I'd better make the most of it.
Goodnight xx
Monday 30 July 2012
Tough job, but somebody has to do it
A couple of days into my volunteer work at the Olympics and I'm still just as excited as I was before it started. The experiences over the past few days have been phenomenal! Starting with the dress rehearsal of the opening ceremony, which was fantastic. It was just so special, the beat of those drums, vibrating through the whole stadium, the smells and sounds and sights of the countryside being transformed by the industrial revolution and the music jumping and pounding. I will remember it for a long, long time. Then the next day in Hyde park, watching emile sante, eliza Doolittle, the wanted and dizzie rascal in the blazing hot sun, enjoying a few lagers....
Follow that with a trip to the Olympic park, lying on the grass and watching the games on a huge screen, then watching the opening ceremony in kensington gardens in the Russian park. What a week! I am so lucky to be experiencing all those things. And indeed to be part of the Olympic games, lapping up the atmosphere, joining in with the happy crowds has been amazing.
Follow that with a trip to the Olympic park, lying on the grass and watching the games on a huge screen, then watching the opening ceremony in kensington gardens in the Russian park. What a week! I am so lucky to be experiencing all those things. And indeed to be part of the Olympic games, lapping up the atmosphere, joining in with the happy crowds has been amazing.
Tuesday 24 July 2012
Olympics
I am all packed and ready to go in the morning. Looking forward not only to the Olympics, but also a bit of sunshine. The weather up here has been dreadful this week. All day today we've had either drizzle or full blown rain, plus at work thick fog surrounding the factory. Summer?
So as I have heard its hot in the south, I am keen to explore the sun.
My first adventure tomorrow is to catch a bus. I can't remember the last time I was on a bus (in this country). It'll be a novel experience...
The the train to euston, where I will meet up with pals. tomorrow evening is the technical dress rehearsal for the opening ceremony and I have a ticket. Excited! My cousin is actually performing in it too, with her dance students.
On Thursday we are going to a concert in Hyde park, which will be great if the weather stays warm. The bands include some I know and some I've never heard of, but are new, modern bands. Getting old, me!
There will be Dizzee rascal, Katy B, Eliza Doolittle, Wretch 32, The wanted, you me at six among others.
I do like eliza Doolittle, good songs. Not sure about Dizzee.....
Then on saturday a trip to the Olympic park and up the orbit, before I start work.
I'm a lucky ole soul :-)
So as I have heard its hot in the south, I am keen to explore the sun.
My first adventure tomorrow is to catch a bus. I can't remember the last time I was on a bus (in this country). It'll be a novel experience...
The the train to euston, where I will meet up with pals. tomorrow evening is the technical dress rehearsal for the opening ceremony and I have a ticket. Excited! My cousin is actually performing in it too, with her dance students.
On Thursday we are going to a concert in Hyde park, which will be great if the weather stays warm. The bands include some I know and some I've never heard of, but are new, modern bands. Getting old, me!
There will be Dizzee rascal, Katy B, Eliza Doolittle, Wretch 32, The wanted, you me at six among others.
I do like eliza Doolittle, good songs. Not sure about Dizzee.....
Then on saturday a trip to the Olympic park and up the orbit, before I start work.
I'm a lucky ole soul :-)
Monday 23 July 2012
A good Monday
The weather was appalling today. When I got to work this morning there was a howling wind and belting rain. Had to dash from the car to the office to avoid a drenching. Apparently it's hot in the Sarf! I've had scary weather forecasts of temperatures in the 80s. it's going to be such hard work down there.....
Apart from the weather, it was a good Monday. Spent part of the day putting together a training session for the shop floor that I am delivering tomorrow. The subject wasn't altogether thrilling but I got play with the new PowerPoint. It hasn't changed as much as MS Access, which seems to have gone through a major overhaul. PowerPoint has improved a bit though.
COSHH and safety is the subject of the training - trying to get across the hazards of using certain materials in the factory. And some of the materials do have real hazards, eg Acetone, with it's low flashpoint. Anyway, well see how well the training is received tomorrow.
The other good thing about today is that my new tv arrived. In the end I got a 42" LED HD smart tv, which is great. What a difference from the old one. Hadn't realised just how out of focus that tv was! Plus this one is so big I can read everything on the screen, even without me specs!
It does loads of stuff as well as being a tv too! I can surf the net, stream music from my iPod, connect to my PC, play a slides how of my photos... If only I could teach it to cook, it would be worth the money.
Then this evening I cleared up the garden, so that my neighbour can cut down the Bay tree while I'm away. It's got so out of hand lately. Although its lovely to have bay leaves on tap, there's no sunlight in the garden any more... So it is destined to go.
Finished up with a bit of packing for my trip; all in all a pretty good Monday.
Now I need to go to bed as I have a new book to start. It's called Tideline by Penny Hancock. Sounds good.
Apart from the weather, it was a good Monday. Spent part of the day putting together a training session for the shop floor that I am delivering tomorrow. The subject wasn't altogether thrilling but I got play with the new PowerPoint. It hasn't changed as much as MS Access, which seems to have gone through a major overhaul. PowerPoint has improved a bit though.
COSHH and safety is the subject of the training - trying to get across the hazards of using certain materials in the factory. And some of the materials do have real hazards, eg Acetone, with it's low flashpoint. Anyway, well see how well the training is received tomorrow.
The other good thing about today is that my new tv arrived. In the end I got a 42" LED HD smart tv, which is great. What a difference from the old one. Hadn't realised just how out of focus that tv was! Plus this one is so big I can read everything on the screen, even without me specs!
It does loads of stuff as well as being a tv too! I can surf the net, stream music from my iPod, connect to my PC, play a slides how of my photos... If only I could teach it to cook, it would be worth the money.
Then this evening I cleared up the garden, so that my neighbour can cut down the Bay tree while I'm away. It's got so out of hand lately. Although its lovely to have bay leaves on tap, there's no sunlight in the garden any more... So it is destined to go.
Finished up with a bit of packing for my trip; all in all a pretty good Monday.
Now I need to go to bed as I have a new book to start. It's called Tideline by Penny Hancock. Sounds good.
Sunday 22 July 2012
Growing up
With the ISO paperwork behind me for now, I only have two more days to work before heading off down to London for my games maker stint at the Olympics. I'm really quite excited about being in among the Olympic atmosphere, an event that isn't likely to happen here again in my lifetime.
Now it's kind of cool and 'fashionable' to mock the Olympics. But while once over I would have said nothing when faced with people criticising and taking the mick out of the event, nowadays I'm much more likely to argue the case for being excited and pleased the games have come to London. I don't care so much about conforming and being 'cool'.
A couple of weeks ago, I had a major breakthrough with my counsellor. To most people, I would suspect that it sounds like nothing. But to me it was like a revelation!
So much so, that I feel very different now. It's like I have finally grown up...
When I started with my major meltdown over three years ago, it was all triggered by the beliefs I had held all my life. Those beliefs might sound silly to most people, but they have had such a negative and restricting effect on my life that when I discovered they might not be true, I lost the plot!
Without going into loads of detail, I had always believed that I was worthless, ugly and useless. I know, it sounds like I'm fishing for compliments, but that's not so. I really did believe that nobody liked me, that I was the most unattractive person and that it would be impossible to get someone to love me.
I guess that sounds a bit daft, doesn't it? But it virtually turned me into a recluse, the beliefs were so strong. Some bad things happened many years ago that reaffirmed those beliefs and I just knew that I was destined to be alone all my life, cos who the hell would want to be with me?
I started to question those beliefs after I turned 50. That year I decided to start doing things I enjoyed; I lost weight, got a bit girlie, caught up with some old friends. Then, miracle of miracles I fell in love for the first time. And what's more, I felt loved and I felt attractive.
But that mixed me up so much, I was a complete mess. Everything I'd believed was turned on its head. Friends I thought were doing the best for me, seemed now to be working against me; fighting against the way I was going. It was a complete nightmare.
Until I met the most wonderful counsellor at the end of last year. Together, we worked through all the things that have happened, and although I started to blame people from my distant past, eventually we got through it and slowly I have come to understand myself.
It's no good blaming those people, even though some of the things they did were horrible. But it's such a long time ago, I have accepted that those things happened, there's nothing I can do to change them, so I must move forward and not let those things hold me back. What I can do is change how I react to those memories and how I feel about myself
So guess what? That was the big revelation.... I am in charge of my own destiny, I no longer need the approval of other people. Whatever I do with my life from now on, it's my decision - no-one else's. And I'm not worthless. I'm ok. I'm a good friend, kind and loyal and I would never harm any living creature. Ok, I'm still not the most attractive person in the world, that I can't change, but maybe my beauty is within.....
I actually like myself for the first time in my life and it feels good. plus now that I like myself I find I am appreciating my friends a lot more. And I am hoping they will reciprocate and like me right back! What's not to like? Lol....
I have some way to go before Im 'back to normal' whatever that is. But I am looking forward to deciding for myself how my future will be. One of the things I reckon I need is to spend some time on my own and find out who the real me really is.
Now it's kind of cool and 'fashionable' to mock the Olympics. But while once over I would have said nothing when faced with people criticising and taking the mick out of the event, nowadays I'm much more likely to argue the case for being excited and pleased the games have come to London. I don't care so much about conforming and being 'cool'.
A couple of weeks ago, I had a major breakthrough with my counsellor. To most people, I would suspect that it sounds like nothing. But to me it was like a revelation!
So much so, that I feel very different now. It's like I have finally grown up...
When I started with my major meltdown over three years ago, it was all triggered by the beliefs I had held all my life. Those beliefs might sound silly to most people, but they have had such a negative and restricting effect on my life that when I discovered they might not be true, I lost the plot!
Without going into loads of detail, I had always believed that I was worthless, ugly and useless. I know, it sounds like I'm fishing for compliments, but that's not so. I really did believe that nobody liked me, that I was the most unattractive person and that it would be impossible to get someone to love me.
I guess that sounds a bit daft, doesn't it? But it virtually turned me into a recluse, the beliefs were so strong. Some bad things happened many years ago that reaffirmed those beliefs and I just knew that I was destined to be alone all my life, cos who the hell would want to be with me?
I started to question those beliefs after I turned 50. That year I decided to start doing things I enjoyed; I lost weight, got a bit girlie, caught up with some old friends. Then, miracle of miracles I fell in love for the first time. And what's more, I felt loved and I felt attractive.
But that mixed me up so much, I was a complete mess. Everything I'd believed was turned on its head. Friends I thought were doing the best for me, seemed now to be working against me; fighting against the way I was going. It was a complete nightmare.
Until I met the most wonderful counsellor at the end of last year. Together, we worked through all the things that have happened, and although I started to blame people from my distant past, eventually we got through it and slowly I have come to understand myself.
It's no good blaming those people, even though some of the things they did were horrible. But it's such a long time ago, I have accepted that those things happened, there's nothing I can do to change them, so I must move forward and not let those things hold me back. What I can do is change how I react to those memories and how I feel about myself
So guess what? That was the big revelation.... I am in charge of my own destiny, I no longer need the approval of other people. Whatever I do with my life from now on, it's my decision - no-one else's. And I'm not worthless. I'm ok. I'm a good friend, kind and loyal and I would never harm any living creature. Ok, I'm still not the most attractive person in the world, that I can't change, but maybe my beauty is within.....
I actually like myself for the first time in my life and it feels good. plus now that I like myself I find I am appreciating my friends a lot more. And I am hoping they will reciprocate and like me right back! What's not to like? Lol....
I have some way to go before Im 'back to normal' whatever that is. But I am looking forward to deciding for myself how my future will be. One of the things I reckon I need is to spend some time on my own and find out who the real me really is.
Wednesday 18 July 2012
Nice....
Been an odd day today. This morning we had a very long meeting about the demise of our final salary pension scheme, which seemed to result in a lot of peed off people. I am taking it quite calmly it seems, maybe because I wasn't surprised at the news that the pension was going. Its happening in most private sector companies, so it was only a matter of time.
What I was surprised at; nay shocked; was the attitude of some of my colleagues after we learned about the savings plan that will replace the old scheme. Of course, for those of us that were in the final salary scheme, the new one isn't so good. But the company has improved the savings plan and upped their contribution, added a few sweeteners, etc. so the people who were already in the savings plan are getting a better pension deal.
What shocked me was the selfishness that emerged from a lot of people who complained bitterly that the existing savings members shouldn't be getting an improved plan. They wanted the extra money paid into a separate, better plan just for themselves!
Wow..... No wonder the world is a selfish place. I'm all right, jack. Bugger the others.
Maybe I'm a dinosaur, but I still like fairness.....
After the long meeting, I had to try and get back into the ISO procedures. I wasn't entirely successful in that as I was pension addled. So I gave up and did some practical stuff instead.
This evening took a turn for the better as I headed off to Penrith to a jazz singing session with Jilly Jarman. She runs a fab session, where we all get to sing, improvise individually. This week, even better - she had with her a girl with a double bass, who was superb. We all got the chance to sing, with mikes, on our own with piano, bass and guitar. Really enjoyed it. Nice.....
I nicked the nice from a friend who said it earlier, reminding me of those sketches on the fast show with John thomson.
A thoroughly good evening, with a carful of good company to travel to and from Penrith.
Tomorrow, back to the procedures! Hey, ho. :-)
What I was surprised at; nay shocked; was the attitude of some of my colleagues after we learned about the savings plan that will replace the old scheme. Of course, for those of us that were in the final salary scheme, the new one isn't so good. But the company has improved the savings plan and upped their contribution, added a few sweeteners, etc. so the people who were already in the savings plan are getting a better pension deal.
What shocked me was the selfishness that emerged from a lot of people who complained bitterly that the existing savings members shouldn't be getting an improved plan. They wanted the extra money paid into a separate, better plan just for themselves!
Wow..... No wonder the world is a selfish place. I'm all right, jack. Bugger the others.
Maybe I'm a dinosaur, but I still like fairness.....
After the long meeting, I had to try and get back into the ISO procedures. I wasn't entirely successful in that as I was pension addled. So I gave up and did some practical stuff instead.
This evening took a turn for the better as I headed off to Penrith to a jazz singing session with Jilly Jarman. She runs a fab session, where we all get to sing, improvise individually. This week, even better - she had with her a girl with a double bass, who was superb. We all got the chance to sing, with mikes, on our own with piano, bass and guitar. Really enjoyed it. Nice.....
I nicked the nice from a friend who said it earlier, reminding me of those sketches on the fast show with John thomson.
A thoroughly good evening, with a carful of good company to travel to and from Penrith.
Tomorrow, back to the procedures! Hey, ho. :-)
Tuesday 17 July 2012
Mind boggled
Was going to do a blog post tonight, but my brain is well and truly boggled!
I've spent all day trying to make sense of ISO14001 environmental management systems.
Phew...
That standard isn't half woolly. I'm trying to interpret it and put in procedures that cover the standard. Probably getting there now, but I wish I could get my hands on the people who wrote the flipping thing.
Unfortunately, when thinking about my blog and what to write, all that would pop into my mind were environmental aspects and impacts and ways to calculate the risks for every aspect....
Oh crap! Time for beddy byes I think....
Got a book to finish that might help me get air pollution and waste out of my tiny brain :-)
Ps. Gave up on fifty shades. It was rubbish. I think even I could write better than that. So the book I'm finishing is a slightly better written one.
I've spent all day trying to make sense of ISO14001 environmental management systems.
Phew...
That standard isn't half woolly. I'm trying to interpret it and put in procedures that cover the standard. Probably getting there now, but I wish I could get my hands on the people who wrote the flipping thing.
Unfortunately, when thinking about my blog and what to write, all that would pop into my mind were environmental aspects and impacts and ways to calculate the risks for every aspect....
Oh crap! Time for beddy byes I think....
Got a book to finish that might help me get air pollution and waste out of my tiny brain :-)
Ps. Gave up on fifty shades. It was rubbish. I think even I could write better than that. So the book I'm finishing is a slightly better written one.
Monday 16 July 2012
Friendship
Several things have happened over the last few weeks that have made me think about the meaning of friendship.
And what it has made me realise is that being a friend is what I am really good at. Ok I'm quite good at a couple other other things, like drawing, computers,etc. but the thing I am really good at is being a good friend.
The first thing tha happened was a trip away with two friends who are both going through some tough times. And over the weekend they both talked through their problems with me and I listened, advised if necessary, but mostly listened. And at the end of the trip, one of them gave me a huge hug and said that she felt so much calmer after talking to me and that I had helped her so much to think clearly about what she should do. It was like she'd given me a million quid!
The next thing was concerning a man at work who is a good friend. He has been going through hell at work and I've been letting him talk aboutbthebissues for weeks and weeks. He talks, I let him and listen. He's talked, shouted and even cried in my office, but I was there when he needed me to be. When he decided enough was enough, I talked through the options with him and he left the company. The only person he contacted after he left was me, to tell me how grateful he was for my friendship and how he would never have got through it all without my support. I felt quite humble.
Some of you reading this will know that I have lost my way a bit over the last few years. And the depression I was in caused me to seek the help of counsellors. I've seen three in all! Not every counsellor is right for you.... But the last one was absolutely lovely. She helped me so much and on my last visit, she tole me that she wished we didn't have the counsellor/client relationship. I was a bit shocked, until she clarified what she meant. She said that it's not ethical for us to be friends after counselling, but she wished we'd met under different circumstances because I was someone who would make a wonderful friend. Then she said I would make a good counsellor, which is strangely what the previous counsellor also said. She added that she could see me with my own practice doing counselling a therapy...
The combination of these things has made me realise who i am again, and what my future is going to be. I am going to make more friends and I am going to enjoy them. Celebrate them! That's who I am - a good friend, loyal and true. Someone who would never divulge a confidence, who is always ready to listen, help and support. And it makes me happy to do that. The idea of training to be a counsellor is very appealing too. I like my current job and I'm quite good at it, but how worthwhile would it be to actually help people? Maybe even change somebody's life for the better... Now that would be rewarding.
Talking of friends, one of them bought me a fifty shades book. Now that's not something I would usually read. I'm not into chick lit as a rule, in fact I've never been a girlie girl - more of a tomboy actually. I have more male friends than female and at work I'm one of the lads!
But I feel I will have to read it, if only to find out why the books are so popular! It's been sitting by my bedside for a couple of weeks while I read other books, but tonight's the night - I'm going in! You never know it may just be good. and anyway, you have to try everything at least once, don't you?
So goodnight friends. If ever you need a shoulder, you know where I am....
And what it has made me realise is that being a friend is what I am really good at. Ok I'm quite good at a couple other other things, like drawing, computers,etc. but the thing I am really good at is being a good friend.
The first thing tha happened was a trip away with two friends who are both going through some tough times. And over the weekend they both talked through their problems with me and I listened, advised if necessary, but mostly listened. And at the end of the trip, one of them gave me a huge hug and said that she felt so much calmer after talking to me and that I had helped her so much to think clearly about what she should do. It was like she'd given me a million quid!
The next thing was concerning a man at work who is a good friend. He has been going through hell at work and I've been letting him talk aboutbthebissues for weeks and weeks. He talks, I let him and listen. He's talked, shouted and even cried in my office, but I was there when he needed me to be. When he decided enough was enough, I talked through the options with him and he left the company. The only person he contacted after he left was me, to tell me how grateful he was for my friendship and how he would never have got through it all without my support. I felt quite humble.
Some of you reading this will know that I have lost my way a bit over the last few years. And the depression I was in caused me to seek the help of counsellors. I've seen three in all! Not every counsellor is right for you.... But the last one was absolutely lovely. She helped me so much and on my last visit, she tole me that she wished we didn't have the counsellor/client relationship. I was a bit shocked, until she clarified what she meant. She said that it's not ethical for us to be friends after counselling, but she wished we'd met under different circumstances because I was someone who would make a wonderful friend. Then she said I would make a good counsellor, which is strangely what the previous counsellor also said. She added that she could see me with my own practice doing counselling a therapy...
The combination of these things has made me realise who i am again, and what my future is going to be. I am going to make more friends and I am going to enjoy them. Celebrate them! That's who I am - a good friend, loyal and true. Someone who would never divulge a confidence, who is always ready to listen, help and support. And it makes me happy to do that. The idea of training to be a counsellor is very appealing too. I like my current job and I'm quite good at it, but how worthwhile would it be to actually help people? Maybe even change somebody's life for the better... Now that would be rewarding.
Talking of friends, one of them bought me a fifty shades book. Now that's not something I would usually read. I'm not into chick lit as a rule, in fact I've never been a girlie girl - more of a tomboy actually. I have more male friends than female and at work I'm one of the lads!
But I feel I will have to read it, if only to find out why the books are so popular! It's been sitting by my bedside for a couple of weeks while I read other books, but tonight's the night - I'm going in! You never know it may just be good. and anyway, you have to try everything at least once, don't you?
So goodnight friends. If ever you need a shoulder, you know where I am....
Friday 13 July 2012
Convention
The weekend has come around once again. They seem to come quicker every week! I'm not good with weekends, which is funny. Most people who work cant wait for the weekend - trust me to be different!
This weekend has an added bonus. It's the start of the Keswick convention, which for those of you who don't know is a gathering of Christians. It lasts for three weeks and the main convention building is just round the corner from my house.
Now I have nothing against Christians as such. But conventioners are a special type of Christian, unlike anything I have experienced elsewhere. they take over the town in the middle of the summer tourist season and are just not very nice. I realise I'm generalising, but ask anyone that lives here and you will get the same answer.
They spend no money in town, preferring to save their pennies for the collection plate (which is a very expensive collection plate by all accounts).
For example, a friend who works in a local cafe has many tales like the one where three conventioners sat down and ordered a pot of tea for one and three cups. With extra water... Or the ones who bought a small eccles cake to take out but asked for it to be cut into four bits....
Although amusing, this is not why the convention annoys me. Living close to it as I do, it's the arrogant intrusion into our lives that is irritating. The organisers come round with tickets for us locals to put in our cars to allow us to park in our own street!
Driving down the street towards my house, I am inevitably forced to follow convention pedestrians as they wander down the middle of the road towards their centre. A pip of the horn causes them not to move out of my way, but to turn and glare at me as if I have no right to be driving a car on a road.
And when the meetings finish, it's pointless trying to go anywhere in the car as the road becomes a footpath.
Then if on the odd occasion it's nice enough to sit outside in the garden, I get hymns and sermons blasted out at me...
I guess it's a bit like living in London during the Olympics! Only we get the convention every year. Never mind, I'm going to miss some of it this year as I will be in London for the Olympics.
Once the conventions over of course it's the school holidays, which are also a nightmare. Roll on September!
This weekend has an added bonus. It's the start of the Keswick convention, which for those of you who don't know is a gathering of Christians. It lasts for three weeks and the main convention building is just round the corner from my house.
Now I have nothing against Christians as such. But conventioners are a special type of Christian, unlike anything I have experienced elsewhere. they take over the town in the middle of the summer tourist season and are just not very nice. I realise I'm generalising, but ask anyone that lives here and you will get the same answer.
They spend no money in town, preferring to save their pennies for the collection plate (which is a very expensive collection plate by all accounts).
For example, a friend who works in a local cafe has many tales like the one where three conventioners sat down and ordered a pot of tea for one and three cups. With extra water... Or the ones who bought a small eccles cake to take out but asked for it to be cut into four bits....
Although amusing, this is not why the convention annoys me. Living close to it as I do, it's the arrogant intrusion into our lives that is irritating. The organisers come round with tickets for us locals to put in our cars to allow us to park in our own street!
Driving down the street towards my house, I am inevitably forced to follow convention pedestrians as they wander down the middle of the road towards their centre. A pip of the horn causes them not to move out of my way, but to turn and glare at me as if I have no right to be driving a car on a road.
And when the meetings finish, it's pointless trying to go anywhere in the car as the road becomes a footpath.
Then if on the odd occasion it's nice enough to sit outside in the garden, I get hymns and sermons blasted out at me...
I guess it's a bit like living in London during the Olympics! Only we get the convention every year. Never mind, I'm going to miss some of it this year as I will be in London for the Olympics.
Once the conventions over of course it's the school holidays, which are also a nightmare. Roll on September!
Wednesday 11 July 2012
TV or not TV
My TV is on its last legs. I know this because it takes ages to come on, then flickers, sometimes turns off again and then the colour fades in and out for ages....
Mind you it is an old set. It's one of those with a HUGE back, full of cathode ray tubes. So I reckon I need to get a new one. But what a minefield! There are plasma, LED, HD, 3D, USB, flippin heck it's only a telly!
Then there a massive screens - what size do I get?
My room is small, so a huge TV is going to be ridiculous. Do I get built-in freeview and ditch sky? Or do I stick with Sky, but get bluetooth so I can connect devices to the tv?
I started to look at options online, but my mind is about to explode, so I gave up.
If any of you gadget experts out there have any advice, please send it my way...
My new tent arrived today too. It is supposed to be an'easy to erect' tent. But I think I need a degree in engineering to work out what I'm supposed to do. No instructions of course...
Finally worked it out - it's great! Just the right size for me and Archie, so we will be off on a camping adventure soon if this sunshine keeps up. Me, Archie, a good book and a bottle of red. Bliss :)
Mind you it is an old set. It's one of those with a HUGE back, full of cathode ray tubes. So I reckon I need to get a new one. But what a minefield! There are plasma, LED, HD, 3D, USB, flippin heck it's only a telly!
Then there a massive screens - what size do I get?
My room is small, so a huge TV is going to be ridiculous. Do I get built-in freeview and ditch sky? Or do I stick with Sky, but get bluetooth so I can connect devices to the tv?
I started to look at options online, but my mind is about to explode, so I gave up.
If any of you gadget experts out there have any advice, please send it my way...
My new tent arrived today too. It is supposed to be an'easy to erect' tent. But I think I need a degree in engineering to work out what I'm supposed to do. No instructions of course...
Finally worked it out - it's great! Just the right size for me and Archie, so we will be off on a camping adventure soon if this sunshine keeps up. Me, Archie, a good book and a bottle of red. Bliss :)
Tuesday 10 July 2012
Lazy copied blog post
I tried Wordpress yesterday but despite all it's promise, it wasn't any easier to use on my iPad than this! It does look nicer and has a few more features than blogger, but the jury is still out on which one I prefer. This is the post I did yesterday, as I am too lazy today to write another :-)
I'm going to have a rant today, well a slight rant anyway!
I want to make a case for the private sector and in particular the manufacturing industries. We hear such a lot from those companies, particularly in the public sector that have a big voice. We in the smaller manufacturing industries don't have such a big voice. So here is my case for us.
Sorry to keep referring to the public sector, but it has the biggest voice of all and that's what I'm always hearing on the news, in the press, etc... But for as long as I can remember, my company has been accountable. To its shareholders and to its financiers. We have been in the game of cost cutting for many, many years now. I watch with disappointment the whinging of civil servants, bankers, teachers, GPs, etc when they are faced with accountability. OK, so resources are thinning and people are being stretched. In our industry that happened about 20 years ago and is still happening. We have to get on with it or we're out of business.
We don't have endless supplies of taxpayer money to bail us out. I we don't perform, if the shareholders don't get a decent return on their investment, we are history. For years we've been fighting off competition from cheaper foreign imports, some of which get better in quality year on year. In the UK there used to be many pencil manufacturers - now we the only one remaining. Why? Because we have adapted, changed with the times and fought bloody hard to stay ahead of the game. We're a small team, but we are innovative, creative and hard working. We don't give up when people who leave aren't replaced. We work harder and smarter. We have to share out the jobs that were once done by retirees and find cleverer ways of doing things.
I'll give you an example: a colleague of mine retired this year and now I am in charge of rubbish! Never have been before, but I'm now responsible for all the environmental aspects, standards and waste in the company (as well as all the things I looked after previously). the pinnacle of my career - manager of rubbish. However, it makes me look at things afresh - how can I combine the environmental standards with the quality ones for example? Rationalise the number of different suppliers who deal with waste? I look on it as a way to improve and a challenge - it's not something that I need to whinge about.
Another example was the year we had foot and mouth in Cumbria. While I felt very sympathetic for the farmers, they were compensated fairly well for their losses, as were the hotel and B&B owners for the downturn in trade. That same year, we had an extremely difficult time and business was awful. No compensation for us - we had to make several people redundant to make ends meet. Not newsworthy enough among the drama of foot and mouth, it went unnoticed that people lost their jobs and others were on short time and very little money....
I hear teachers complaining about ofsted examinations and hospitals complaining about the auditing processes they have to endure. But that's what it's like for us - and has been for years. We have to demonstrate that we are capable of doing the job we do, so why shouldn't public sector workers have to do the same? Wages aren't very good, I hear from nurses - but how many of them are on minimum wage? A nurse on basic salary is earning far more than many of the people in the more skilled jobs in our company. OK, you will argue that nurses are doing something more worthwhile - I agree. But without manufacturing bringing money into the country, who will be paying the taxes to fund the salaries of the public sector?
We are now bucking the trend a bit and winning back business that had been farmed out to the far east. Because we enjoy challenges, we adapt and we are determined.
Recently, there's been a lot of noise about pencils, again in the public sector. Doctors I believe were even talking about striking over their terms and conditions. Now that's my argument about voice.
My final salary pension has just been stopped. Where's my voice? I can't strike - nor would I want to, because if I did, those far eastern competitors would be sitting there waiting to pick up the business that we could no longer provide.
So we will just accept that our pensions are no more, we will grumble for a while, but we'll just get on and face the next challenge.
"Chase your passion, not your pension."
Denis Waitley
Sunday 8 July 2012
Promises, promises.....
I know I promised myself I was going to write every day.
Does this count?
The reason for the failure at the first hurdle is that I am moving my blog over to Wordpress, which seems to have more features that I can use on the iPad.
So this VERY brief blog may well be my last one on this platform.
Had a nice walk today round the back of skiddaw and the funny thing is it poured it down in Keswick and I didn't have any rain at all! I was only 8 miles away at the most before I was heading back again. Bizarre.
Night all :-)
Does this count?
The reason for the failure at the first hurdle is that I am moving my blog over to Wordpress, which seems to have more features that I can use on the iPad.
So this VERY brief blog may well be my last one on this platform.
Had a nice walk today round the back of skiddaw and the funny thing is it poured it down in Keswick and I didn't have any rain at all! I was only 8 miles away at the most before I was heading back again. Bizarre.
Night all :-)
Saturday 7 July 2012
Inspiration
I was thinking about the blog earlier today when I was out walking. The walk was pleasant, a bit humid, but nice all the same. I went up walla, one of my favourite walks and one that Archie loves too. He knows it better than me nowadays. It was nice and quiet too until I got to the top and discovered a school geography trip making enough noise to wake the whole of Keswick!
We had no rain today, unlike other areas, but boy was it hot and humid. Still is.
Walla is so lovely and holds so many happy memories for me. Walked up there one year on my birthday, hand in hand with the love of my life and many times talked to him on the phone from the top of walla. Happy days :-). I hope finally my grieving for those days is coming to an end. I will love him always, but now I love him as a friend and hope that he loves me in the same way. If you read this, gorgeous, I send you a kiss and my best wishes that your current relationship is making you as happy as I want you to be x.
I still enjoy going up there. Sometimes feeling slightly wistful, but even on my own it's a special walk.
Anyway, back to the blog. As I said, I was thinking about it on my walk. Wondering what to write about. I started to think about other blogs I read and Wendy came into my mind.
Wendy is someone I am proud to call a friend. She is inspirational. She's been through so much and yet has handled it all with a maturity that I am envious of, even though she is half my age. The reason she came into my mind was that she blogs. Regularly. She set herself the challenge of blogging daily and has stuck to that promise she made to herself, through thick and thin; through bad times and good. And she's had some bloody bad times. But what I find so inspirational is her openness. I have read about her ups and downs, expressed with such genuine open honesty, cried and laughed at the different subjects she has blogged about. But above all, I am full of admiration for the way she has bared her soul to us, her readers, sharing all her emotions so openly.
If I had possessed as much sense and maturity as Wendy when I was her age ( or even now for that matter) I wouldn't be in the mess I am at the moment! Wendy, I salute you....
Plus, she is a bloody good artist. I like to think I can draw, but she's at another level entirely. Such talent for drawing and writing. Wendy will go far in her life, of that I'm sure. I wish had half the strength of character that girl has.
So, if Wendy can blog every day after what she has been through, why can't I? I've had it pretty easy, so it should be easy to write every day.
I will try and do it. When I feel down, which is usually at weekends, like now, I will think about what she's suffered and give myself a shake.
to Wendy.... I raise my glass to you in admiration :-)
I love your blog. It is inspirational indeed.
We had no rain today, unlike other areas, but boy was it hot and humid. Still is.
Walla is so lovely and holds so many happy memories for me. Walked up there one year on my birthday, hand in hand with the love of my life and many times talked to him on the phone from the top of walla. Happy days :-). I hope finally my grieving for those days is coming to an end. I will love him always, but now I love him as a friend and hope that he loves me in the same way. If you read this, gorgeous, I send you a kiss and my best wishes that your current relationship is making you as happy as I want you to be x.
I still enjoy going up there. Sometimes feeling slightly wistful, but even on my own it's a special walk.
Anyway, back to the blog. As I said, I was thinking about it on my walk. Wondering what to write about. I started to think about other blogs I read and Wendy came into my mind.
Wendy is someone I am proud to call a friend. She is inspirational. She's been through so much and yet has handled it all with a maturity that I am envious of, even though she is half my age. The reason she came into my mind was that she blogs. Regularly. She set herself the challenge of blogging daily and has stuck to that promise she made to herself, through thick and thin; through bad times and good. And she's had some bloody bad times. But what I find so inspirational is her openness. I have read about her ups and downs, expressed with such genuine open honesty, cried and laughed at the different subjects she has blogged about. But above all, I am full of admiration for the way she has bared her soul to us, her readers, sharing all her emotions so openly.
If I had possessed as much sense and maturity as Wendy when I was her age ( or even now for that matter) I wouldn't be in the mess I am at the moment! Wendy, I salute you....
Plus, she is a bloody good artist. I like to think I can draw, but she's at another level entirely. Such talent for drawing and writing. Wendy will go far in her life, of that I'm sure. I wish had half the strength of character that girl has.
So, if Wendy can blog every day after what she has been through, why can't I? I've had it pretty easy, so it should be easy to write every day.
I will try and do it. When I feel down, which is usually at weekends, like now, I will think about what she's suffered and give myself a shake.
to Wendy.... I raise my glass to you in admiration :-)
I love your blog. It is inspirational indeed.
Friday 6 July 2012
Phew - finished at last!
I finally finished the last picture for the exhibition tonight. I was going to send them in tonight but when I took photos of them, they weren't good. Too dark by the time I finished and with flash, the colours were subdued. So I will take pics of them in daylight tomorrow and submit my entries.
Then I just wait to see if they pass the judging for selection into the exhibition.
Heres a sneak preview for you, loyal blog readers. :-)
Remember that the photos of them aren't good, so don't be too harsh in your criticism...
Title: As sweet as honey
Title: Antarctic swim team
T'other side o t'wall
Then I just wait to see if they pass the judging for selection into the exhibition.
Heres a sneak preview for you, loyal blog readers. :-)
Remember that the photos of them aren't good, so don't be too harsh in your criticism...
Title: As sweet as honey
Title: Antarctic swim team
T'other side o t'wall
Thursday 5 July 2012
To write right...
Although this blog isn't very well written and doesn't contain the most thrilling narrative in the world, the surprising thing is that I have rather taken to this writing thing. As some people will testify, I sometimes have difficulty with stopping myself from writing reams and reams of stuff. Sometimes it is nonsense, sometimes therapeutic and occasionally good. But the thing is it is all practice. I am in a lovely little writing group in Cockermouth, where the others are very encouraging about the things I write. I get constructive feedback and so enjoy listening to their work. Although sometimes, their stuff is so good I wonder if I will ever be able to write anything worthwhile.
Mostly we just write short pieces based on a monthly theme and it's fascinating to discover the different ways people handle the same subject. I do sometimes wonder if my writing bug is so prevalent because I don't spend a lot of time conversing with people. When I'm in a group of people I don't know I am very shy and find it hard to make conversation. Even one to one it's difficult for me to express myself. But on paper or online I can be someone else. I can write about anything that's I my head without having the fear of someone putting me down or laughing at what I say. Those ate hang ups left over form my childhood!
Writing here I can say whatever I want without fear. That's why I love it.
I'm even thinking of writing a novel. In fact I've made a good start on it. I have the plot sorted and the characters; I just need to develop my writing style so it's more accomplished and readable. So, dear reader, if you start see an improvement let me know!!
Tonight I almost finished the picture ive been working on. But I was in danger of rushing the lat bit and spoiling it, so have left it now to finish off tomorrow. But hurray - I will get it finished in time for the exhibition deadline.
Once the pictures have been submitted, I will do a bit of the novel.
Then it's time for the Olympics.
My duties include standing outside the stadium with a giant pink foam hand! How cool will that be?
Lol
Night night lovely people xx
Mostly we just write short pieces based on a monthly theme and it's fascinating to discover the different ways people handle the same subject. I do sometimes wonder if my writing bug is so prevalent because I don't spend a lot of time conversing with people. When I'm in a group of people I don't know I am very shy and find it hard to make conversation. Even one to one it's difficult for me to express myself. But on paper or online I can be someone else. I can write about anything that's I my head without having the fear of someone putting me down or laughing at what I say. Those ate hang ups left over form my childhood!
Writing here I can say whatever I want without fear. That's why I love it.
I'm even thinking of writing a novel. In fact I've made a good start on it. I have the plot sorted and the characters; I just need to develop my writing style so it's more accomplished and readable. So, dear reader, if you start see an improvement let me know!!
Tonight I almost finished the picture ive been working on. But I was in danger of rushing the lat bit and spoiling it, so have left it now to finish off tomorrow. But hurray - I will get it finished in time for the exhibition deadline.
Once the pictures have been submitted, I will do a bit of the novel.
Then it's time for the Olympics.
My duties include standing outside the stadium with a giant pink foam hand! How cool will that be?
Lol
Night night lovely people xx
Tuesday 3 July 2012
Bleeping computers
Ive been quite busy this week trying to finish my entries for the UK coloured pencil society exhibition. The deadline for entries is 7th June so not much time. I really need to be sending the entry on Friday so no pressure....
I think I might finish though. I have certainly finished one entry, but was hoping to enter two or three - more chance of getting one selected by the jury for the exhibition.
Because of the drawing I haven't had much time to do anything else, but did briefly have a look at my now defunct laptop.
It's been buggered for a while now. The graphics card burned out and it's quite an old Dell so not worth repairing really. But there is a bit of stuff on the hard drive that I could do with retrieving, particularly some photos.
So I removed the hard drive and acquired a USB to sata/IDE cable. Now I'm told that this should have sufficient power to recognise the Hdd as an external disk drive. But I cannot get it to work. Plugged in to my desktop PC, there was a brief moment of recognition on the screen, then nothing. The PC. Detected that something was attached, but didn't recognise it as a disk drive.
I don't know whether it's insufficient power, or whether it's the connections. The Hdd is an IDE and has 48 pins, the last 4 of which are jumpers.
The USB connector has 44, so I connected it to the main 44 ignoring the jumper pins. Not sure if this is right though.
Hoping some of you PC experts out there might have some ideas..... Bill?
I suppose I'll figure it out eventually, but just hoping for a short cut. By the way, the USB/IDE has an additional power cable - with a connector to fit to the motherboard. Was trying to do the job without opening my desktop case.....
Is anyone else sick of this rain? Maybe it's because we're in Cumbria where it rains more than anywhere else, but damn it, it's supposed to be July!
And although I do like walking in the rain, it's not so good when the weather is so warm, as waterproofs are so hot to wear, even the breathable kind. Much better in winter to walk in the rain, when I can get wrapped up in the waterproof gear without cooking...
Bedtime, so I will say goodnight. Maybe I will finish my pictures tomorrow. Hope so x
I think I might finish though. I have certainly finished one entry, but was hoping to enter two or three - more chance of getting one selected by the jury for the exhibition.
Because of the drawing I haven't had much time to do anything else, but did briefly have a look at my now defunct laptop.
It's been buggered for a while now. The graphics card burned out and it's quite an old Dell so not worth repairing really. But there is a bit of stuff on the hard drive that I could do with retrieving, particularly some photos.
So I removed the hard drive and acquired a USB to sata/IDE cable. Now I'm told that this should have sufficient power to recognise the Hdd as an external disk drive. But I cannot get it to work. Plugged in to my desktop PC, there was a brief moment of recognition on the screen, then nothing. The PC. Detected that something was attached, but didn't recognise it as a disk drive.
I don't know whether it's insufficient power, or whether it's the connections. The Hdd is an IDE and has 48 pins, the last 4 of which are jumpers.
The USB connector has 44, so I connected it to the main 44 ignoring the jumper pins. Not sure if this is right though.
Hoping some of you PC experts out there might have some ideas..... Bill?
I suppose I'll figure it out eventually, but just hoping for a short cut. By the way, the USB/IDE has an additional power cable - with a connector to fit to the motherboard. Was trying to do the job without opening my desktop case.....
Is anyone else sick of this rain? Maybe it's because we're in Cumbria where it rains more than anywhere else, but damn it, it's supposed to be July!
And although I do like walking in the rain, it's not so good when the weather is so warm, as waterproofs are so hot to wear, even the breathable kind. Much better in winter to walk in the rain, when I can get wrapped up in the waterproof gear without cooking...
Bedtime, so I will say goodnight. Maybe I will finish my pictures tomorrow. Hope so x
Sunday 1 July 2012
Gibberish
Well, for those of you who did read yesterday's blog, i was right! It was gibberish.
Never mind, sometimes a bit of gibberish isn't a bad thing :-)
And while on that subject, has anyone read 'God's own country' by Ross
Raisin?
I'd like some opinions on it, as I found it a fascinating book, full of anomalies. Written from the perspective of a man who at times seemed intelligent, then at other times retarded, it followed his rather solitary and harsh upbringing in the Yorkshire countryside. It was written in dialect, which I did like. It's a well written book, but I have some difficulties with the plot.
So if youve read it I'd love an opinion, particularly on the ending.
I will say no more about the story, in case anyone is tempted to readit and then maybe we can discuss it..
In the meantime I am off for a walk with my faithful companion :-)
J - thanks for feeding the fish x
Never mind, sometimes a bit of gibberish isn't a bad thing :-)
And while on that subject, has anyone read 'God's own country' by Ross
Raisin?
I'd like some opinions on it, as I found it a fascinating book, full of anomalies. Written from the perspective of a man who at times seemed intelligent, then at other times retarded, it followed his rather solitary and harsh upbringing in the Yorkshire countryside. It was written in dialect, which I did like. It's a well written book, but I have some difficulties with the plot.
So if youve read it I'd love an opinion, particularly on the ending.
I will say no more about the story, in case anyone is tempted to readit and then maybe we can discuss it..
In the meantime I am off for a walk with my faithful companion :-)
J - thanks for feeding the fish x
End of June
Half of this year has gone already. I sometimes step back and wonder where the time is going. It passes so very quickly that I don't notice most days. Then suddenly I realise that another year is over.
The last two years have gone particularly quickly, I guess because I haven't been entirely aware of everything around me.
But before I start dwelling on that idea, I will move on. I promised there would be no more whining and I intend to keep that promise. Suffice to say I am making a huge effort today :-)
The good news is I managed to finish a picture for the ukcps exhibition. I will try and upload it in the next few days and give you a preview of my entry. Hope it is accepted.
I've been playing on YouTube since I finished the drawing. Found loads of old music from my youth - some fab stuff that I'd forgotten about. Isn't YouTube great? You can find just about anything on there endless hours of fun!
Deep down I'm an optimist, I've always been told that. So I'm pretty certain that things will improve sooner or later.
I really should go to bed now. Had a few glasses of red, which by the way did make me feel better. I'm typing gibberish, aren't I? Never mind, no-one reads it anyway, so it doesn't really matter.
What is the purpose of a blog? I've read some that are really interesting, entertaining or informative. Mine is like therapy. I use the blog as my confidante, my friend, a listener. In the absence of a real confidante, this is a pretty good substitute.
So now I've chatted to you, mr blog, I'll go to bed and try and read a book.
I hope you are all happy.
May the gentle rain of happiness fall soft upon your head xxxxx
Goodnight. Sweet dreams x
The last two years have gone particularly quickly, I guess because I haven't been entirely aware of everything around me.
But before I start dwelling on that idea, I will move on. I promised there would be no more whining and I intend to keep that promise. Suffice to say I am making a huge effort today :-)
The good news is I managed to finish a picture for the ukcps exhibition. I will try and upload it in the next few days and give you a preview of my entry. Hope it is accepted.
I've been playing on YouTube since I finished the drawing. Found loads of old music from my youth - some fab stuff that I'd forgotten about. Isn't YouTube great? You can find just about anything on there endless hours of fun!
Deep down I'm an optimist, I've always been told that. So I'm pretty certain that things will improve sooner or later.
I really should go to bed now. Had a few glasses of red, which by the way did make me feel better. I'm typing gibberish, aren't I? Never mind, no-one reads it anyway, so it doesn't really matter.
What is the purpose of a blog? I've read some that are really interesting, entertaining or informative. Mine is like therapy. I use the blog as my confidante, my friend, a listener. In the absence of a real confidante, this is a pretty good substitute.
So now I've chatted to you, mr blog, I'll go to bed and try and read a book.
I hope you are all happy.
May the gentle rain of happiness fall soft upon your head xxxxx
Goodnight. Sweet dreams x
Saturday 30 June 2012
Desert island
Wimbledon was good today. I wish I'd thought about going earlier this week when I was in London. The men's tennis has improved a lot over the last couple of years. Before that it consisted mainly of ace serves, but rallies have made a comeback which makes for great watching. The ladies tennis is good too, but I'm afraid I can't watch when players like sharpova are playing and grunting and moaning..... What is the point of that? Except to annoy me! Lol...
There's nothing else worth watching on tv at the minute, except old re-runs of QI or mock the week on Dave. At least the bloody football will be finished soon, thank goodness! So I tend to listen to music when I'm drawing or painting. Got me thinking about desert island discs. How could I possibly choose 12 tracks to take to a desert island? I just love so much music, it would be so hard to choose....
I used to love desert island discs, but lately that too has changed. The 'islanders'seem to have become a bit smug; they reel off fashionable songs, or high-brow stuff intended to impress.... It used to be much more natural and genuine.
Genuine. That's a trait I so admire in people. Genuine and honest. Even if people are telling me something unpalatable, I will listen and accept as long as they are being genuine and honest. I can't understand secrecy or subterfuge. I know that some people hide the truth for the best of reasons, but there are ways to be truthful without being hurtful.
Back to my desert island. What would I take with me? I have a choice of 10 items. Not just music, but things I couldnt do without if confined to a desert island....
1. The complete works of Shakespeare. Love reading his words and that would keep me interested for ages....
2. Zadoc the priest by Handel. Gives me goose bumpe EVERY time I play it!
3. Paper and pencils to sketch everything on the island.
4. My meditation cushion and some lovely Buddhist chanting on cd. To allow me to switch off and clear my mind. Live in the now, so to speak..
5. My electronic keyboard. I reckon if I was stuck on a desert island for years, I might just learn to play blues and jazz...
6. My feather pillow. Nowadays I seem to get headaches or at least a stiff neck from foam pillows. Got to have a bit of luxury on this desert island....
7. My favourite film of all time - the color purple. Makes me cry every single time I watch it.
8. Got to fit more music in of course. Some rock, or maybe opera. Or jazz, or maybe pop... Punk possibly. Too hard to decide. Dolly Parton, who I've been listening to today. Or Dougie Maclean, Donald fagen, Jamie Callum, dire straights, black sabbath.... The list is endless. But in the end I think I'll take van Morrison. His brown eyed girl makes me quite joyful...
9. A journal to write everything down in. My new found need to write is overpowering sometimes and I just have to get it down. It's like all the cooped up thoughts and feelings I had for 50 years need to find an outlet somehow :-). It's made me open up so much!
10. A photograph.
Wish I could take more, but I did limit myself to 10 things. Reckon I could survive fairly well with that lot. Course I would like to take some people, but I could survive alone. I do now! Lol!
Be nice if it's not too hot on that desert island though. I do like warm weather, but not too hot....
There's nothing else worth watching on tv at the minute, except old re-runs of QI or mock the week on Dave. At least the bloody football will be finished soon, thank goodness! So I tend to listen to music when I'm drawing or painting. Got me thinking about desert island discs. How could I possibly choose 12 tracks to take to a desert island? I just love so much music, it would be so hard to choose....
I used to love desert island discs, but lately that too has changed. The 'islanders'seem to have become a bit smug; they reel off fashionable songs, or high-brow stuff intended to impress.... It used to be much more natural and genuine.
Genuine. That's a trait I so admire in people. Genuine and honest. Even if people are telling me something unpalatable, I will listen and accept as long as they are being genuine and honest. I can't understand secrecy or subterfuge. I know that some people hide the truth for the best of reasons, but there are ways to be truthful without being hurtful.
Back to my desert island. What would I take with me? I have a choice of 10 items. Not just music, but things I couldnt do without if confined to a desert island....
1. The complete works of Shakespeare. Love reading his words and that would keep me interested for ages....
2. Zadoc the priest by Handel. Gives me goose bumpe EVERY time I play it!
3. Paper and pencils to sketch everything on the island.
4. My meditation cushion and some lovely Buddhist chanting on cd. To allow me to switch off and clear my mind. Live in the now, so to speak..
5. My electronic keyboard. I reckon if I was stuck on a desert island for years, I might just learn to play blues and jazz...
6. My feather pillow. Nowadays I seem to get headaches or at least a stiff neck from foam pillows. Got to have a bit of luxury on this desert island....
7. My favourite film of all time - the color purple. Makes me cry every single time I watch it.
8. Got to fit more music in of course. Some rock, or maybe opera. Or jazz, or maybe pop... Punk possibly. Too hard to decide. Dolly Parton, who I've been listening to today. Or Dougie Maclean, Donald fagen, Jamie Callum, dire straights, black sabbath.... The list is endless. But in the end I think I'll take van Morrison. His brown eyed girl makes me quite joyful...
9. A journal to write everything down in. My new found need to write is overpowering sometimes and I just have to get it down. It's like all the cooped up thoughts and feelings I had for 50 years need to find an outlet somehow :-). It's made me open up so much!
10. A photograph.
Wish I could take more, but I did limit myself to 10 things. Reckon I could survive fairly well with that lot. Course I would like to take some people, but I could survive alone. I do now! Lol!
Be nice if it's not too hot on that desert island though. I do like warm weather, but not too hot....
Thursday 28 June 2012
June 27
Direct your eye right inward
And you'll find
A thousand regions of your mind
Yet undiscovered. Travel them and be
Expert in home-cosmography.
And you'll find
A thousand regions of your mind
Yet undiscovered. Travel them and be
Expert in home-cosmography.
Wednesday 27 June 2012
Sun and rain
What an interesting week it's been. I've gone from standing in freezing, torrential rain to sunbathing in a deck chair in the space of a few days. From complete solitude in the depths of a wood to the crazy melee that is the tube in summer.
Friday saw me meeting a friend to go and watch another friend carry the Olympic torch along Morecambe prom. I was late because the rain was so heavy I could see no further than a car length in front of me on the M6. Nasty driving it was.
That rain never let up all day, but despite it I had a marvellous day. The crowds turned out regardless and the torch was carried with panache up to the statue of Eric Morecambe for photos. I was interviewed for the radio and sang and laughed With the rest of the crowd. Soaked to the skin, we returned for a lovely lunch and met a whole group of new people and had a great time. A latish journey home, still in the damn rain ended a really special day, on which I had my photo taken with the Olympic torch.
Feeling I'll the next morning, I struggled with a migraine for a few hours before finally shaking it off to go for a dull, chilly walk. Then set off of Carlisle to meet same two friends for a girls weekend.
We'd arranged to go and see a band I have wanted to see for a while. They were playing in a social club, which at first seemed like it was going to be strange. We were told off several times for not obeying club rules!! However, as the band warmed up and the locals chilled, we started really enjoying ourselves. Drink was cheap, music was good and I even got up to dance with the other two! The band came and sat with us in their break between sets, which was nice. I know them through Facebook and it was marvellous to meet them. After they finished around midnight we three went on to a couple more clubs - with an older clientele!
Spent Sunday with the girls again, enjoyed their company very much.
A bit of an Olympic theme has developed this week. After the torch, I headed off to London on Monday to collect my volunteer uniform for the Olympics. I know everyone doesn't feel the same way as me about the Olympics - there are people I know who think its going to be dreadful and think I'm daft for volunteering. It's costing me quite a bit to travel up and down, but once I get there and meet the other volunteers, the atmosphere is so good and we are all excited to be volunteering and just being part of the whole thing! I'll never get another opportunity to do it.
The weather in London was the complete opposite of the weekend. Red hot, sunny, lovely.
I've written on this blog previously about the negatives of living in the countryside, but having spent so much time in London lately, I am reminded of some of the disadvantages of city life. One being how horrendous the tube can be in hot weather. No air, smelly people, crowds cramming together......
Couldn't do it every day.
I guess in the end I was pleased to get home last night. Although I do love London, it's better in small doses. I will have to make sure I'm well prepared for the two weeks I'm there for the olympics. I will miss my countryside :-)
Friday saw me meeting a friend to go and watch another friend carry the Olympic torch along Morecambe prom. I was late because the rain was so heavy I could see no further than a car length in front of me on the M6. Nasty driving it was.
That rain never let up all day, but despite it I had a marvellous day. The crowds turned out regardless and the torch was carried with panache up to the statue of Eric Morecambe for photos. I was interviewed for the radio and sang and laughed With the rest of the crowd. Soaked to the skin, we returned for a lovely lunch and met a whole group of new people and had a great time. A latish journey home, still in the damn rain ended a really special day, on which I had my photo taken with the Olympic torch.
Feeling I'll the next morning, I struggled with a migraine for a few hours before finally shaking it off to go for a dull, chilly walk. Then set off of Carlisle to meet same two friends for a girls weekend.
We'd arranged to go and see a band I have wanted to see for a while. They were playing in a social club, which at first seemed like it was going to be strange. We were told off several times for not obeying club rules!! However, as the band warmed up and the locals chilled, we started really enjoying ourselves. Drink was cheap, music was good and I even got up to dance with the other two! The band came and sat with us in their break between sets, which was nice. I know them through Facebook and it was marvellous to meet them. After they finished around midnight we three went on to a couple more clubs - with an older clientele!
Spent Sunday with the girls again, enjoyed their company very much.
A bit of an Olympic theme has developed this week. After the torch, I headed off to London on Monday to collect my volunteer uniform for the Olympics. I know everyone doesn't feel the same way as me about the Olympics - there are people I know who think its going to be dreadful and think I'm daft for volunteering. It's costing me quite a bit to travel up and down, but once I get there and meet the other volunteers, the atmosphere is so good and we are all excited to be volunteering and just being part of the whole thing! I'll never get another opportunity to do it.
The weather in London was the complete opposite of the weekend. Red hot, sunny, lovely.
I've written on this blog previously about the negatives of living in the countryside, but having spent so much time in London lately, I am reminded of some of the disadvantages of city life. One being how horrendous the tube can be in hot weather. No air, smelly people, crowds cramming together......
Couldn't do it every day.
I guess in the end I was pleased to get home last night. Although I do love London, it's better in small doses. I will have to make sure I'm well prepared for the two weeks I'm there for the olympics. I will miss my countryside :-)
Wednesday 20 June 2012
Saint Francis and the sow
A poem by Galway kinnell that I absolutely love....
The bud
Stands for all things
Even for those things that don't flower,
For everything flowers, from within, of self-blessing;
Though sometimes it is necessary
To reteach a thing it's loveliness,
To put a hand on the brow
Of the flower
And retell it in words and in touch
It is lovely
Until it flowers again from within, of self-blessing;
As Saint Francis
Put his hand on the creased forehead
Of the sow, and told her in words and in touch
Blessings of the earth on the sow, and the sow
Began remembering all down her thick length,
From the earthen snout all the way
Through the fodder and slops to the spiritual curl of the tail,
From the hard spininess spiked out from the spine
Down through the great broken heart
To the blue milken dreaminess spurting and shuddering
From the fourteen teats into the fourteen mouths sucking
And blowing beneath them;
The long, perfect loveliness of sow.
Saturday 16 June 2012
Rain, not arf!!
It was raining when I woke this morning; that unrelenting 'wet' rain that is typical of the Lake District, but without which we wouldn't have those fabulous lakes. I'd been rained off from what I was supposed to be doing and really I should have gone to the pencil group. However, I really just fancied a lazy morning for a change.
So I brought my cuppa back to bed, listened to the rain pelting on the windows and read one of the books I've got on the go at the minute. I'm quite enjoying this one - The Lake of Dreams, it's called. Duty called after a while and I got up to go to the post office before it closed. I had the last picture from the exhibition to return to its owner, so I togged up in my rain gear to tackle the town centre. It's a while since I visited Keswick Town Centre; working out of town means I don't need to visit much. It was as busy as I expected on a rainy day, maybe even busier. But it was market day, so I took the opportunity to mooch about..
The nice surprise was that the market has some really good stuff for sale nowadays, especially good stuff to eat. Now I blame the cycle ride for this next bit - all those energy chocolate bars that they were handing out. Chocolate is one of those things that if I never eat it, I don't miss it. But as soon as I have some, I crave more!! So of course, when I saw the giant chocolate muffins and gingerbread on the fab cake stall, it just had to happen...
Succumbing to my own warped justification, I reminded myself that I'd used over 4000 calories last weekend, so what harm could a couple of cakes do? Unfortunately, I've used that excuse all week so I've clearly cancelled out all the good work!!
After feeding my face on a beautiful quiche and one of the cakes, I figured I'd better remove some of the calories. So Archie and I set off for Dodd fell. It was absolutely bucketing down, but I actually like walking in the rain. The only problem at this time of year is that it's usually too warm when you're cooped up in all the waterproofs. this kind of rain is usually confined to October, when it's cooler.
It was extremely quiet at Dodd and my phone had a great deal of trouble picking up the satellite signal because of the low clouds. But walking up through the tress, it was so beautiful. Rain like that makes everything so much greener and cleaner looking. And there are so many shades of green (back to flipping green again!!) Green is the predominant colour here in the lakes; and there's absouletly every green hue imaginable. So my trek up the hill was preoccupied with how I could match all those greens from my standard colour palette...
As we approached the summit (Archie and me) we entered the low cloud and visibility reduced to about 10 yards. Knowing the footpath up to Dodd summit like the back of my hand, I didn't need to see very far, but I could see how some people could have been spooked. I love imagining ghostly headless horsemen emerging from the swirling fog or the distant baying of hounds carried by the wind.....
Maybe I'll write a story about that one day...
Although the views were gone, I still found it stunning up there. At the very top, I looked towards what I knew was Bass lake and all I could see was thick, white mist, with the shapes of the small fir trees, the mossy stumps of the bigger tress that have been thinned out and the soon to bud heather receding into the gloom. Fabulous.
And I saw some fungi; it's really early to see this - it's usually August before I spot the colourful fungus growing in the woods.
On the descent it didn't take long to leave the cloud behind, but the rain stayed with us. Archie doesn't care what the weather does, he's constantly happy the whole time we are out; tail never stops wagging!
Once home, I tackled some housework, did my washing and ironing; and now between writing this I'm doing my entry for the cp exhibition, drawing along to some excellent music. I've even cracked open a bottle of Newcastle Brown Ale.
Tomorrow should be interesting as I'm going to see the Dalai Lama with some girls from work. He's a very enlightened man, so I'm looking forward to hearing what he has to say.
Well, back to my drawing. wherever you are and whatever you are doing, have a lovely weekend. Have a hug from me xx
So I brought my cuppa back to bed, listened to the rain pelting on the windows and read one of the books I've got on the go at the minute. I'm quite enjoying this one - The Lake of Dreams, it's called. Duty called after a while and I got up to go to the post office before it closed. I had the last picture from the exhibition to return to its owner, so I togged up in my rain gear to tackle the town centre. It's a while since I visited Keswick Town Centre; working out of town means I don't need to visit much. It was as busy as I expected on a rainy day, maybe even busier. But it was market day, so I took the opportunity to mooch about..
The nice surprise was that the market has some really good stuff for sale nowadays, especially good stuff to eat. Now I blame the cycle ride for this next bit - all those energy chocolate bars that they were handing out. Chocolate is one of those things that if I never eat it, I don't miss it. But as soon as I have some, I crave more!! So of course, when I saw the giant chocolate muffins and gingerbread on the fab cake stall, it just had to happen...
Succumbing to my own warped justification, I reminded myself that I'd used over 4000 calories last weekend, so what harm could a couple of cakes do? Unfortunately, I've used that excuse all week so I've clearly cancelled out all the good work!!
After feeding my face on a beautiful quiche and one of the cakes, I figured I'd better remove some of the calories. So Archie and I set off for Dodd fell. It was absolutely bucketing down, but I actually like walking in the rain. The only problem at this time of year is that it's usually too warm when you're cooped up in all the waterproofs. this kind of rain is usually confined to October, when it's cooler.
It was extremely quiet at Dodd and my phone had a great deal of trouble picking up the satellite signal because of the low clouds. But walking up through the tress, it was so beautiful. Rain like that makes everything so much greener and cleaner looking. And there are so many shades of green (back to flipping green again!!) Green is the predominant colour here in the lakes; and there's absouletly every green hue imaginable. So my trek up the hill was preoccupied with how I could match all those greens from my standard colour palette...
As we approached the summit (Archie and me) we entered the low cloud and visibility reduced to about 10 yards. Knowing the footpath up to Dodd summit like the back of my hand, I didn't need to see very far, but I could see how some people could have been spooked. I love imagining ghostly headless horsemen emerging from the swirling fog or the distant baying of hounds carried by the wind.....
Maybe I'll write a story about that one day...
Although the views were gone, I still found it stunning up there. At the very top, I looked towards what I knew was Bass lake and all I could see was thick, white mist, with the shapes of the small fir trees, the mossy stumps of the bigger tress that have been thinned out and the soon to bud heather receding into the gloom. Fabulous.
And I saw some fungi; it's really early to see this - it's usually August before I spot the colourful fungus growing in the woods.
On the descent it didn't take long to leave the cloud behind, but the rain stayed with us. Archie doesn't care what the weather does, he's constantly happy the whole time we are out; tail never stops wagging!
Once home, I tackled some housework, did my washing and ironing; and now between writing this I'm doing my entry for the cp exhibition, drawing along to some excellent music. I've even cracked open a bottle of Newcastle Brown Ale.
Tomorrow should be interesting as I'm going to see the Dalai Lama with some girls from work. He's a very enlightened man, so I'm looking forward to hearing what he has to say.
Well, back to my drawing. wherever you are and whatever you are doing, have a lovely weekend. Have a hug from me xx
Friday 15 June 2012
That's life! :-)
You know what? I can't continue to be so depressed and sorry for myself. It's just not on is it?
After all, there are hundreds, nay thousands, even millions of people worse off than I am. I can see, hear, walk; I'm fit enough to cycle 68 miles; I have a decent job that pays enough to let me have holidays, etc. so wtf is wrong with me? A bit of loneliness! So what. About time I grew up, pulled myself together and got on with it.
Loneliness can do strange things in your head. But logically, I should be pretty happy with my lot. It's better than many other people experience. So I don't have anyone to love, not the end of the world is it?
Some people are just not designed to be loved. Having said that, I did feel fairly loved until IF was about 7. That's when everything changed and I became this odd, unlovable person out of step with everything.
I guess I can cope with not being loved, but the hard thing is having all this love inside me to give and having nobody to give it to. I watch the tv images of those beautiful children starving around the world, or in orphanages and I weep for the lack of love they have. What I'd give to just cuddle them better....
Or children who are abused and cruelly treated in this country. I'd like to have loads of them in my home and give them enough love to take away all the horrors they've experienced.
Not to be though. It's probably for the best that i just keep all those feelings locked away. After all, if I unleashed all that love on some poor unsuspecting bloke, I'd suffocate him in no time!
Accepting that I will always be on my own is not easy, but I think that's the way forward. Anyway, I've been alone for 50 years - you'd think I'd be used to it by now!
I don't know why I can't handle it any more.
Trick is to try and like myself a bit more. I'm not a bad person, I enjoy doing nice things for people; I'm a good listener - people are always coming to talk to me about their troubles and I give good advice to everyone except myself....
So folks, the whining and self pity will end here. From now on, no matter how bad I feel, I will be outwardly positive.
No more miserable BJ! My new life with me for company starts now! I just hope it's not too bloody long....
After all, there are hundreds, nay thousands, even millions of people worse off than I am. I can see, hear, walk; I'm fit enough to cycle 68 miles; I have a decent job that pays enough to let me have holidays, etc. so wtf is wrong with me? A bit of loneliness! So what. About time I grew up, pulled myself together and got on with it.
Loneliness can do strange things in your head. But logically, I should be pretty happy with my lot. It's better than many other people experience. So I don't have anyone to love, not the end of the world is it?
Some people are just not designed to be loved. Having said that, I did feel fairly loved until IF was about 7. That's when everything changed and I became this odd, unlovable person out of step with everything.
I guess I can cope with not being loved, but the hard thing is having all this love inside me to give and having nobody to give it to. I watch the tv images of those beautiful children starving around the world, or in orphanages and I weep for the lack of love they have. What I'd give to just cuddle them better....
Or children who are abused and cruelly treated in this country. I'd like to have loads of them in my home and give them enough love to take away all the horrors they've experienced.
Not to be though. It's probably for the best that i just keep all those feelings locked away. After all, if I unleashed all that love on some poor unsuspecting bloke, I'd suffocate him in no time!
Accepting that I will always be on my own is not easy, but I think that's the way forward. Anyway, I've been alone for 50 years - you'd think I'd be used to it by now!
I don't know why I can't handle it any more.
Trick is to try and like myself a bit more. I'm not a bad person, I enjoy doing nice things for people; I'm a good listener - people are always coming to talk to me about their troubles and I give good advice to everyone except myself....
So folks, the whining and self pity will end here. From now on, no matter how bad I feel, I will be outwardly positive.
No more miserable BJ! My new life with me for company starts now! I just hope it's not too bloody long....
Tuesday 12 June 2012
Night ride
I said I'd report back on the night ride so here it is.
I woke up quite anxious on Saturday morning, but not because of the cycling. The anxiety was about getting myself and the bike packed up and down to London. The carrier I got for the back of my car is quite difficult to fit, maybe because my car is a little panda; then I have trouble lifting the bike onto the carrier as its pretty high up. Could really do with some help to do all that, but I managed eventually. Of course, it was all to undo again at the station, so I had to give myself loads of time before the train.
The anxiety stayed with me for the journey as I then had to negotiate my way across London. Firstly cycling from euston to highbury then getting the London overground to crystal palace. In the end it all went fairly smoothly and I started to relax as I got near.
It gets darker quite a bit sooner down there than it does at home so was dark long before the ride was due to start. Crystal palace was pitch black when I cycled in though the trees, avoiding potholes. The check in was lit and cyclists were milling about everywhere. I'd arrived earlier than I should have, so hung around watching, having bought a cuppa from the catering van. Everyone was in a group chattering excitedly about the night to come, but as I am rubbish at making conversation with strangers I simply watched them. 75 cyclists set off at a time at 5 minute intervals. I was in the 10 th group and positioned myself at the back of that group as watching the previous groups it was apparent that a lot of the younger chaps were racing off. Unlike me.
The start was good - downhill. Then it was all about watching out for the yellow signs. Half a mile into the ride my front light fell off. The bracket had sheared and I'd nothing with me to fix it on with. I'd stopped to try and fix it by which time the other 74 in my group were long gone.
So off I set, front light clutched in my left hand, following the signs, soon being overtaken by some of the speed cyclists in the next group.
The route flattened out and the cycling was fairly easy. I was soon passing lots of cycles upturned at the side of the roads with punctures; seems those road bikes with thin tyres are not very resistant to potholes and are very prone to punctures! My little hybrid bike with its thick tyres managed the whole route intact... Even if it did go a lot slower.
The first break point came quickly at 22 km. it was just beside tower bridge and gave us a lovely view of the lit bridge. The mechanic at this break couldn't help with my light, so I rode off still clutching it.
Riding through canary wharf was pretty eerie on my own, but better than some of the busier areas, where there were loads of drunks coming out of clubs jumping out in front of the bikes or shouting at us as we passed. Some were very encouraging though and clapped and cheered as we passed.
I was getting into my stride by now and the pace was quite steady. I was even passing lots of other cyclists, but it was at that point that we first went off route. Some drunk had moved one of the signs, so the group I was following set off in the wrong direction. It was a mile or two before we all realised, having to retrace our route to the last sign. Luckily someone had downloaded the route to satnav so we were able to pick it up again.
Second break point and this time the mechanic was really helpful and tied my light on with cable ties; plus I got a couple of energy chocolate bars to nibble on.
Not long after that I rounded a bend and had to swerve to avoid a maniac car coming towards me. Shortly after that I came across some police cars and an ambulance just pulling away - one of our cyclists had been knocked over by that same car. Hit and run. Stolen car I believe, that was set on fire not far away. Poor lady cyclist was very badly shocked and bruised, but Im told she is ok.
Before the third break at Alexandra palace the birds started their dawn chorus. Lovely in the quiet streets at 3 am. Also saw several foxes and a squirrel. The hill up to Alexandra palace was evil and I was ready for the sandwich and tea that was on offer at the top.
The sun came up as I was eating and the view over London was spectacular. Incredibly, the night had stayed dry and the sunrise actually brought sunshine.
More hills followed, but flatter ground came again before the last bereak at the imperial war museum.
Last lap I thought. Only 20km to go.
Wrong! I must have been tired by this time as I foolishly followed a small group of cyclists who'd missed a sign and carried on through Knightsbridge to hammersmith instead of turning at the royal Albert hall. After 2.5 miles I realised this was totally wrong and so did they. They decided to head off, while I retraced my steps to the last sign, adding another 5 or so miles to the route. Getting tired by this time, I was cycling completely alone thinking I must by now be last.
I wasn't and soon passed some other stragglers. Quite a few actually, so didn't feel too bad. Some killer hills were to come at the end and by the time I saw the crystal palace park I was so ready to finish.
Someone handed me a medal and I waited for the elation to hit. Instead I felt incredibly down and tearful.
Others were disappearing with friends and supporters and all I could think about was the stress of getting back on various trains etc.
At this point I need to say a huge Thankyou to Bill. A friendly face arrived just in time to cheer me up. I'm only sorry I was so tired and had to rush off. But I really appreciated him making the effort to come over early In The morning just to support me. I felt a little less lonely because of his efforts.
Anyway, that's pretty much the nightrider experience, except to say Thankyou to all those who sponsored me. I'm sure the mayhew will appreciate the contribution. And instead of the original 100 km I actually managed 114!
Now I'd better start training for the walk......
I woke up quite anxious on Saturday morning, but not because of the cycling. The anxiety was about getting myself and the bike packed up and down to London. The carrier I got for the back of my car is quite difficult to fit, maybe because my car is a little panda; then I have trouble lifting the bike onto the carrier as its pretty high up. Could really do with some help to do all that, but I managed eventually. Of course, it was all to undo again at the station, so I had to give myself loads of time before the train.
The anxiety stayed with me for the journey as I then had to negotiate my way across London. Firstly cycling from euston to highbury then getting the London overground to crystal palace. In the end it all went fairly smoothly and I started to relax as I got near.
It gets darker quite a bit sooner down there than it does at home so was dark long before the ride was due to start. Crystal palace was pitch black when I cycled in though the trees, avoiding potholes. The check in was lit and cyclists were milling about everywhere. I'd arrived earlier than I should have, so hung around watching, having bought a cuppa from the catering van. Everyone was in a group chattering excitedly about the night to come, but as I am rubbish at making conversation with strangers I simply watched them. 75 cyclists set off at a time at 5 minute intervals. I was in the 10 th group and positioned myself at the back of that group as watching the previous groups it was apparent that a lot of the younger chaps were racing off. Unlike me.
The start was good - downhill. Then it was all about watching out for the yellow signs. Half a mile into the ride my front light fell off. The bracket had sheared and I'd nothing with me to fix it on with. I'd stopped to try and fix it by which time the other 74 in my group were long gone.
So off I set, front light clutched in my left hand, following the signs, soon being overtaken by some of the speed cyclists in the next group.
The route flattened out and the cycling was fairly easy. I was soon passing lots of cycles upturned at the side of the roads with punctures; seems those road bikes with thin tyres are not very resistant to potholes and are very prone to punctures! My little hybrid bike with its thick tyres managed the whole route intact... Even if it did go a lot slower.
The first break point came quickly at 22 km. it was just beside tower bridge and gave us a lovely view of the lit bridge. The mechanic at this break couldn't help with my light, so I rode off still clutching it.
Riding through canary wharf was pretty eerie on my own, but better than some of the busier areas, where there were loads of drunks coming out of clubs jumping out in front of the bikes or shouting at us as we passed. Some were very encouraging though and clapped and cheered as we passed.
I was getting into my stride by now and the pace was quite steady. I was even passing lots of other cyclists, but it was at that point that we first went off route. Some drunk had moved one of the signs, so the group I was following set off in the wrong direction. It was a mile or two before we all realised, having to retrace our route to the last sign. Luckily someone had downloaded the route to satnav so we were able to pick it up again.
Second break point and this time the mechanic was really helpful and tied my light on with cable ties; plus I got a couple of energy chocolate bars to nibble on.
Not long after that I rounded a bend and had to swerve to avoid a maniac car coming towards me. Shortly after that I came across some police cars and an ambulance just pulling away - one of our cyclists had been knocked over by that same car. Hit and run. Stolen car I believe, that was set on fire not far away. Poor lady cyclist was very badly shocked and bruised, but Im told she is ok.
Before the third break at Alexandra palace the birds started their dawn chorus. Lovely in the quiet streets at 3 am. Also saw several foxes and a squirrel. The hill up to Alexandra palace was evil and I was ready for the sandwich and tea that was on offer at the top.
The sun came up as I was eating and the view over London was spectacular. Incredibly, the night had stayed dry and the sunrise actually brought sunshine.
More hills followed, but flatter ground came again before the last bereak at the imperial war museum.
Last lap I thought. Only 20km to go.
Wrong! I must have been tired by this time as I foolishly followed a small group of cyclists who'd missed a sign and carried on through Knightsbridge to hammersmith instead of turning at the royal Albert hall. After 2.5 miles I realised this was totally wrong and so did they. They decided to head off, while I retraced my steps to the last sign, adding another 5 or so miles to the route. Getting tired by this time, I was cycling completely alone thinking I must by now be last.
I wasn't and soon passed some other stragglers. Quite a few actually, so didn't feel too bad. Some killer hills were to come at the end and by the time I saw the crystal palace park I was so ready to finish.
Someone handed me a medal and I waited for the elation to hit. Instead I felt incredibly down and tearful.
Others were disappearing with friends and supporters and all I could think about was the stress of getting back on various trains etc.
At this point I need to say a huge Thankyou to Bill. A friendly face arrived just in time to cheer me up. I'm only sorry I was so tired and had to rush off. But I really appreciated him making the effort to come over early In The morning just to support me. I felt a little less lonely because of his efforts.
Anyway, that's pretty much the nightrider experience, except to say Thankyou to all those who sponsored me. I'm sure the mayhew will appreciate the contribution. And instead of the original 100 km I actually managed 114!
Now I'd better start training for the walk......