Wimbledon was good today. I wish I'd thought about going earlier this week when I was in London. The men's tennis has improved a lot over the last couple of years. Before that it consisted mainly of ace serves, but rallies have made a comeback which makes for great watching. The ladies tennis is good too, but I'm afraid I can't watch when players like sharpova are playing and grunting and moaning..... What is the point of that? Except to annoy me! Lol...
There's nothing else worth watching on tv at the minute, except old re-runs of QI or mock the week on Dave. At least the bloody football will be finished soon, thank goodness! So I tend to listen to music when I'm drawing or painting. Got me thinking about desert island discs. How could I possibly choose 12 tracks to take to a desert island? I just love so much music, it would be so hard to choose....
I used to love desert island discs, but lately that too has changed. The 'islanders'seem to have become a bit smug; they reel off fashionable songs, or high-brow stuff intended to impress.... It used to be much more natural and genuine.
Genuine. That's a trait I so admire in people. Genuine and honest. Even if people are telling me something unpalatable, I will listen and accept as long as they are being genuine and honest. I can't understand secrecy or subterfuge. I know that some people hide the truth for the best of reasons, but there are ways to be truthful without being hurtful.
Back to my desert island. What would I take with me? I have a choice of 10 items. Not just music, but things I couldnt do without if confined to a desert island....
1. The complete works of Shakespeare. Love reading his words and that would keep me interested for ages....
2. Zadoc the priest by Handel. Gives me goose bumpe EVERY time I play it!
3. Paper and pencils to sketch everything on the island.
4. My meditation cushion and some lovely Buddhist chanting on cd. To allow me to switch off and clear my mind. Live in the now, so to speak..
5. My electronic keyboard. I reckon if I was stuck on a desert island for years, I might just learn to play blues and jazz...
6. My feather pillow. Nowadays I seem to get headaches or at least a stiff neck from foam pillows. Got to have a bit of luxury on this desert island....
7. My favourite film of all time - the color purple. Makes me cry every single time I watch it.
8. Got to fit more music in of course. Some rock, or maybe opera. Or jazz, or maybe pop... Punk possibly. Too hard to decide. Dolly Parton, who I've been listening to today. Or Dougie Maclean, Donald fagen, Jamie Callum, dire straights, black sabbath.... The list is endless. But in the end I think I'll take van Morrison. His brown eyed girl makes me quite joyful...
9. A journal to write everything down in. My new found need to write is overpowering sometimes and I just have to get it down. It's like all the cooped up thoughts and feelings I had for 50 years need to find an outlet somehow :-). It's made me open up so much!
10. A photograph.
Wish I could take more, but I did limit myself to 10 things. Reckon I could survive fairly well with that lot. Course I would like to take some people, but I could survive alone. I do now! Lol!
Be nice if it's not too hot on that desert island though. I do like warm weather, but not too hot....
Saturday 30 June 2012
Thursday 28 June 2012
June 27
Direct your eye right inward
And you'll find
A thousand regions of your mind
Yet undiscovered. Travel them and be
Expert in home-cosmography.
And you'll find
A thousand regions of your mind
Yet undiscovered. Travel them and be
Expert in home-cosmography.
Wednesday 27 June 2012
Sun and rain
What an interesting week it's been. I've gone from standing in freezing, torrential rain to sunbathing in a deck chair in the space of a few days. From complete solitude in the depths of a wood to the crazy melee that is the tube in summer.
Friday saw me meeting a friend to go and watch another friend carry the Olympic torch along Morecambe prom. I was late because the rain was so heavy I could see no further than a car length in front of me on the M6. Nasty driving it was.
That rain never let up all day, but despite it I had a marvellous day. The crowds turned out regardless and the torch was carried with panache up to the statue of Eric Morecambe for photos. I was interviewed for the radio and sang and laughed With the rest of the crowd. Soaked to the skin, we returned for a lovely lunch and met a whole group of new people and had a great time. A latish journey home, still in the damn rain ended a really special day, on which I had my photo taken with the Olympic torch.
Feeling I'll the next morning, I struggled with a migraine for a few hours before finally shaking it off to go for a dull, chilly walk. Then set off of Carlisle to meet same two friends for a girls weekend.
We'd arranged to go and see a band I have wanted to see for a while. They were playing in a social club, which at first seemed like it was going to be strange. We were told off several times for not obeying club rules!! However, as the band warmed up and the locals chilled, we started really enjoying ourselves. Drink was cheap, music was good and I even got up to dance with the other two! The band came and sat with us in their break between sets, which was nice. I know them through Facebook and it was marvellous to meet them. After they finished around midnight we three went on to a couple more clubs - with an older clientele!
Spent Sunday with the girls again, enjoyed their company very much.
A bit of an Olympic theme has developed this week. After the torch, I headed off to London on Monday to collect my volunteer uniform for the Olympics. I know everyone doesn't feel the same way as me about the Olympics - there are people I know who think its going to be dreadful and think I'm daft for volunteering. It's costing me quite a bit to travel up and down, but once I get there and meet the other volunteers, the atmosphere is so good and we are all excited to be volunteering and just being part of the whole thing! I'll never get another opportunity to do it.
The weather in London was the complete opposite of the weekend. Red hot, sunny, lovely.
I've written on this blog previously about the negatives of living in the countryside, but having spent so much time in London lately, I am reminded of some of the disadvantages of city life. One being how horrendous the tube can be in hot weather. No air, smelly people, crowds cramming together......
Couldn't do it every day.
I guess in the end I was pleased to get home last night. Although I do love London, it's better in small doses. I will have to make sure I'm well prepared for the two weeks I'm there for the olympics. I will miss my countryside :-)
Friday saw me meeting a friend to go and watch another friend carry the Olympic torch along Morecambe prom. I was late because the rain was so heavy I could see no further than a car length in front of me on the M6. Nasty driving it was.
That rain never let up all day, but despite it I had a marvellous day. The crowds turned out regardless and the torch was carried with panache up to the statue of Eric Morecambe for photos. I was interviewed for the radio and sang and laughed With the rest of the crowd. Soaked to the skin, we returned for a lovely lunch and met a whole group of new people and had a great time. A latish journey home, still in the damn rain ended a really special day, on which I had my photo taken with the Olympic torch.
Feeling I'll the next morning, I struggled with a migraine for a few hours before finally shaking it off to go for a dull, chilly walk. Then set off of Carlisle to meet same two friends for a girls weekend.
We'd arranged to go and see a band I have wanted to see for a while. They were playing in a social club, which at first seemed like it was going to be strange. We were told off several times for not obeying club rules!! However, as the band warmed up and the locals chilled, we started really enjoying ourselves. Drink was cheap, music was good and I even got up to dance with the other two! The band came and sat with us in their break between sets, which was nice. I know them through Facebook and it was marvellous to meet them. After they finished around midnight we three went on to a couple more clubs - with an older clientele!
Spent Sunday with the girls again, enjoyed their company very much.
A bit of an Olympic theme has developed this week. After the torch, I headed off to London on Monday to collect my volunteer uniform for the Olympics. I know everyone doesn't feel the same way as me about the Olympics - there are people I know who think its going to be dreadful and think I'm daft for volunteering. It's costing me quite a bit to travel up and down, but once I get there and meet the other volunteers, the atmosphere is so good and we are all excited to be volunteering and just being part of the whole thing! I'll never get another opportunity to do it.
The weather in London was the complete opposite of the weekend. Red hot, sunny, lovely.
I've written on this blog previously about the negatives of living in the countryside, but having spent so much time in London lately, I am reminded of some of the disadvantages of city life. One being how horrendous the tube can be in hot weather. No air, smelly people, crowds cramming together......
Couldn't do it every day.
I guess in the end I was pleased to get home last night. Although I do love London, it's better in small doses. I will have to make sure I'm well prepared for the two weeks I'm there for the olympics. I will miss my countryside :-)
Wednesday 20 June 2012
Saint Francis and the sow
A poem by Galway kinnell that I absolutely love....
The bud
Stands for all things
Even for those things that don't flower,
For everything flowers, from within, of self-blessing;
Though sometimes it is necessary
To reteach a thing it's loveliness,
To put a hand on the brow
Of the flower
And retell it in words and in touch
It is lovely
Until it flowers again from within, of self-blessing;
As Saint Francis
Put his hand on the creased forehead
Of the sow, and told her in words and in touch
Blessings of the earth on the sow, and the sow
Began remembering all down her thick length,
From the earthen snout all the way
Through the fodder and slops to the spiritual curl of the tail,
From the hard spininess spiked out from the spine
Down through the great broken heart
To the blue milken dreaminess spurting and shuddering
From the fourteen teats into the fourteen mouths sucking
And blowing beneath them;
The long, perfect loveliness of sow.
Saturday 16 June 2012
Rain, not arf!!
It was raining when I woke this morning; that unrelenting 'wet' rain that is typical of the Lake District, but without which we wouldn't have those fabulous lakes. I'd been rained off from what I was supposed to be doing and really I should have gone to the pencil group. However, I really just fancied a lazy morning for a change.
So I brought my cuppa back to bed, listened to the rain pelting on the windows and read one of the books I've got on the go at the minute. I'm quite enjoying this one - The Lake of Dreams, it's called. Duty called after a while and I got up to go to the post office before it closed. I had the last picture from the exhibition to return to its owner, so I togged up in my rain gear to tackle the town centre. It's a while since I visited Keswick Town Centre; working out of town means I don't need to visit much. It was as busy as I expected on a rainy day, maybe even busier. But it was market day, so I took the opportunity to mooch about..
The nice surprise was that the market has some really good stuff for sale nowadays, especially good stuff to eat. Now I blame the cycle ride for this next bit - all those energy chocolate bars that they were handing out. Chocolate is one of those things that if I never eat it, I don't miss it. But as soon as I have some, I crave more!! So of course, when I saw the giant chocolate muffins and gingerbread on the fab cake stall, it just had to happen...
Succumbing to my own warped justification, I reminded myself that I'd used over 4000 calories last weekend, so what harm could a couple of cakes do? Unfortunately, I've used that excuse all week so I've clearly cancelled out all the good work!!
After feeding my face on a beautiful quiche and one of the cakes, I figured I'd better remove some of the calories. So Archie and I set off for Dodd fell. It was absolutely bucketing down, but I actually like walking in the rain. The only problem at this time of year is that it's usually too warm when you're cooped up in all the waterproofs. this kind of rain is usually confined to October, when it's cooler.
It was extremely quiet at Dodd and my phone had a great deal of trouble picking up the satellite signal because of the low clouds. But walking up through the tress, it was so beautiful. Rain like that makes everything so much greener and cleaner looking. And there are so many shades of green (back to flipping green again!!) Green is the predominant colour here in the lakes; and there's absouletly every green hue imaginable. So my trek up the hill was preoccupied with how I could match all those greens from my standard colour palette...
As we approached the summit (Archie and me) we entered the low cloud and visibility reduced to about 10 yards. Knowing the footpath up to Dodd summit like the back of my hand, I didn't need to see very far, but I could see how some people could have been spooked. I love imagining ghostly headless horsemen emerging from the swirling fog or the distant baying of hounds carried by the wind.....
Maybe I'll write a story about that one day...
Although the views were gone, I still found it stunning up there. At the very top, I looked towards what I knew was Bass lake and all I could see was thick, white mist, with the shapes of the small fir trees, the mossy stumps of the bigger tress that have been thinned out and the soon to bud heather receding into the gloom. Fabulous.
And I saw some fungi; it's really early to see this - it's usually August before I spot the colourful fungus growing in the woods.
On the descent it didn't take long to leave the cloud behind, but the rain stayed with us. Archie doesn't care what the weather does, he's constantly happy the whole time we are out; tail never stops wagging!
Once home, I tackled some housework, did my washing and ironing; and now between writing this I'm doing my entry for the cp exhibition, drawing along to some excellent music. I've even cracked open a bottle of Newcastle Brown Ale.
Tomorrow should be interesting as I'm going to see the Dalai Lama with some girls from work. He's a very enlightened man, so I'm looking forward to hearing what he has to say.
Well, back to my drawing. wherever you are and whatever you are doing, have a lovely weekend. Have a hug from me xx
So I brought my cuppa back to bed, listened to the rain pelting on the windows and read one of the books I've got on the go at the minute. I'm quite enjoying this one - The Lake of Dreams, it's called. Duty called after a while and I got up to go to the post office before it closed. I had the last picture from the exhibition to return to its owner, so I togged up in my rain gear to tackle the town centre. It's a while since I visited Keswick Town Centre; working out of town means I don't need to visit much. It was as busy as I expected on a rainy day, maybe even busier. But it was market day, so I took the opportunity to mooch about..
The nice surprise was that the market has some really good stuff for sale nowadays, especially good stuff to eat. Now I blame the cycle ride for this next bit - all those energy chocolate bars that they were handing out. Chocolate is one of those things that if I never eat it, I don't miss it. But as soon as I have some, I crave more!! So of course, when I saw the giant chocolate muffins and gingerbread on the fab cake stall, it just had to happen...
Succumbing to my own warped justification, I reminded myself that I'd used over 4000 calories last weekend, so what harm could a couple of cakes do? Unfortunately, I've used that excuse all week so I've clearly cancelled out all the good work!!
After feeding my face on a beautiful quiche and one of the cakes, I figured I'd better remove some of the calories. So Archie and I set off for Dodd fell. It was absolutely bucketing down, but I actually like walking in the rain. The only problem at this time of year is that it's usually too warm when you're cooped up in all the waterproofs. this kind of rain is usually confined to October, when it's cooler.
It was extremely quiet at Dodd and my phone had a great deal of trouble picking up the satellite signal because of the low clouds. But walking up through the tress, it was so beautiful. Rain like that makes everything so much greener and cleaner looking. And there are so many shades of green (back to flipping green again!!) Green is the predominant colour here in the lakes; and there's absouletly every green hue imaginable. So my trek up the hill was preoccupied with how I could match all those greens from my standard colour palette...
As we approached the summit (Archie and me) we entered the low cloud and visibility reduced to about 10 yards. Knowing the footpath up to Dodd summit like the back of my hand, I didn't need to see very far, but I could see how some people could have been spooked. I love imagining ghostly headless horsemen emerging from the swirling fog or the distant baying of hounds carried by the wind.....
Maybe I'll write a story about that one day...
Although the views were gone, I still found it stunning up there. At the very top, I looked towards what I knew was Bass lake and all I could see was thick, white mist, with the shapes of the small fir trees, the mossy stumps of the bigger tress that have been thinned out and the soon to bud heather receding into the gloom. Fabulous.
And I saw some fungi; it's really early to see this - it's usually August before I spot the colourful fungus growing in the woods.
On the descent it didn't take long to leave the cloud behind, but the rain stayed with us. Archie doesn't care what the weather does, he's constantly happy the whole time we are out; tail never stops wagging!
Once home, I tackled some housework, did my washing and ironing; and now between writing this I'm doing my entry for the cp exhibition, drawing along to some excellent music. I've even cracked open a bottle of Newcastle Brown Ale.
Tomorrow should be interesting as I'm going to see the Dalai Lama with some girls from work. He's a very enlightened man, so I'm looking forward to hearing what he has to say.
Well, back to my drawing. wherever you are and whatever you are doing, have a lovely weekend. Have a hug from me xx
Friday 15 June 2012
That's life! :-)
You know what? I can't continue to be so depressed and sorry for myself. It's just not on is it?
After all, there are hundreds, nay thousands, even millions of people worse off than I am. I can see, hear, walk; I'm fit enough to cycle 68 miles; I have a decent job that pays enough to let me have holidays, etc. so wtf is wrong with me? A bit of loneliness! So what. About time I grew up, pulled myself together and got on with it.
Loneliness can do strange things in your head. But logically, I should be pretty happy with my lot. It's better than many other people experience. So I don't have anyone to love, not the end of the world is it?
Some people are just not designed to be loved. Having said that, I did feel fairly loved until IF was about 7. That's when everything changed and I became this odd, unlovable person out of step with everything.
I guess I can cope with not being loved, but the hard thing is having all this love inside me to give and having nobody to give it to. I watch the tv images of those beautiful children starving around the world, or in orphanages and I weep for the lack of love they have. What I'd give to just cuddle them better....
Or children who are abused and cruelly treated in this country. I'd like to have loads of them in my home and give them enough love to take away all the horrors they've experienced.
Not to be though. It's probably for the best that i just keep all those feelings locked away. After all, if I unleashed all that love on some poor unsuspecting bloke, I'd suffocate him in no time!
Accepting that I will always be on my own is not easy, but I think that's the way forward. Anyway, I've been alone for 50 years - you'd think I'd be used to it by now!
I don't know why I can't handle it any more.
Trick is to try and like myself a bit more. I'm not a bad person, I enjoy doing nice things for people; I'm a good listener - people are always coming to talk to me about their troubles and I give good advice to everyone except myself....
So folks, the whining and self pity will end here. From now on, no matter how bad I feel, I will be outwardly positive.
No more miserable BJ! My new life with me for company starts now! I just hope it's not too bloody long....
After all, there are hundreds, nay thousands, even millions of people worse off than I am. I can see, hear, walk; I'm fit enough to cycle 68 miles; I have a decent job that pays enough to let me have holidays, etc. so wtf is wrong with me? A bit of loneliness! So what. About time I grew up, pulled myself together and got on with it.
Loneliness can do strange things in your head. But logically, I should be pretty happy with my lot. It's better than many other people experience. So I don't have anyone to love, not the end of the world is it?
Some people are just not designed to be loved. Having said that, I did feel fairly loved until IF was about 7. That's when everything changed and I became this odd, unlovable person out of step with everything.
I guess I can cope with not being loved, but the hard thing is having all this love inside me to give and having nobody to give it to. I watch the tv images of those beautiful children starving around the world, or in orphanages and I weep for the lack of love they have. What I'd give to just cuddle them better....
Or children who are abused and cruelly treated in this country. I'd like to have loads of them in my home and give them enough love to take away all the horrors they've experienced.
Not to be though. It's probably for the best that i just keep all those feelings locked away. After all, if I unleashed all that love on some poor unsuspecting bloke, I'd suffocate him in no time!
Accepting that I will always be on my own is not easy, but I think that's the way forward. Anyway, I've been alone for 50 years - you'd think I'd be used to it by now!
I don't know why I can't handle it any more.
Trick is to try and like myself a bit more. I'm not a bad person, I enjoy doing nice things for people; I'm a good listener - people are always coming to talk to me about their troubles and I give good advice to everyone except myself....
So folks, the whining and self pity will end here. From now on, no matter how bad I feel, I will be outwardly positive.
No more miserable BJ! My new life with me for company starts now! I just hope it's not too bloody long....
Tuesday 12 June 2012
Night ride
I said I'd report back on the night ride so here it is.
I woke up quite anxious on Saturday morning, but not because of the cycling. The anxiety was about getting myself and the bike packed up and down to London. The carrier I got for the back of my car is quite difficult to fit, maybe because my car is a little panda; then I have trouble lifting the bike onto the carrier as its pretty high up. Could really do with some help to do all that, but I managed eventually. Of course, it was all to undo again at the station, so I had to give myself loads of time before the train.
The anxiety stayed with me for the journey as I then had to negotiate my way across London. Firstly cycling from euston to highbury then getting the London overground to crystal palace. In the end it all went fairly smoothly and I started to relax as I got near.
It gets darker quite a bit sooner down there than it does at home so was dark long before the ride was due to start. Crystal palace was pitch black when I cycled in though the trees, avoiding potholes. The check in was lit and cyclists were milling about everywhere. I'd arrived earlier than I should have, so hung around watching, having bought a cuppa from the catering van. Everyone was in a group chattering excitedly about the night to come, but as I am rubbish at making conversation with strangers I simply watched them. 75 cyclists set off at a time at 5 minute intervals. I was in the 10 th group and positioned myself at the back of that group as watching the previous groups it was apparent that a lot of the younger chaps were racing off. Unlike me.
The start was good - downhill. Then it was all about watching out for the yellow signs. Half a mile into the ride my front light fell off. The bracket had sheared and I'd nothing with me to fix it on with. I'd stopped to try and fix it by which time the other 74 in my group were long gone.
So off I set, front light clutched in my left hand, following the signs, soon being overtaken by some of the speed cyclists in the next group.
The route flattened out and the cycling was fairly easy. I was soon passing lots of cycles upturned at the side of the roads with punctures; seems those road bikes with thin tyres are not very resistant to potholes and are very prone to punctures! My little hybrid bike with its thick tyres managed the whole route intact... Even if it did go a lot slower.
The first break point came quickly at 22 km. it was just beside tower bridge and gave us a lovely view of the lit bridge. The mechanic at this break couldn't help with my light, so I rode off still clutching it.
Riding through canary wharf was pretty eerie on my own, but better than some of the busier areas, where there were loads of drunks coming out of clubs jumping out in front of the bikes or shouting at us as we passed. Some were very encouraging though and clapped and cheered as we passed.
I was getting into my stride by now and the pace was quite steady. I was even passing lots of other cyclists, but it was at that point that we first went off route. Some drunk had moved one of the signs, so the group I was following set off in the wrong direction. It was a mile or two before we all realised, having to retrace our route to the last sign. Luckily someone had downloaded the route to satnav so we were able to pick it up again.
Second break point and this time the mechanic was really helpful and tied my light on with cable ties; plus I got a couple of energy chocolate bars to nibble on.
Not long after that I rounded a bend and had to swerve to avoid a maniac car coming towards me. Shortly after that I came across some police cars and an ambulance just pulling away - one of our cyclists had been knocked over by that same car. Hit and run. Stolen car I believe, that was set on fire not far away. Poor lady cyclist was very badly shocked and bruised, but Im told she is ok.
Before the third break at Alexandra palace the birds started their dawn chorus. Lovely in the quiet streets at 3 am. Also saw several foxes and a squirrel. The hill up to Alexandra palace was evil and I was ready for the sandwich and tea that was on offer at the top.
The sun came up as I was eating and the view over London was spectacular. Incredibly, the night had stayed dry and the sunrise actually brought sunshine.
More hills followed, but flatter ground came again before the last bereak at the imperial war museum.
Last lap I thought. Only 20km to go.
Wrong! I must have been tired by this time as I foolishly followed a small group of cyclists who'd missed a sign and carried on through Knightsbridge to hammersmith instead of turning at the royal Albert hall. After 2.5 miles I realised this was totally wrong and so did they. They decided to head off, while I retraced my steps to the last sign, adding another 5 or so miles to the route. Getting tired by this time, I was cycling completely alone thinking I must by now be last.
I wasn't and soon passed some other stragglers. Quite a few actually, so didn't feel too bad. Some killer hills were to come at the end and by the time I saw the crystal palace park I was so ready to finish.
Someone handed me a medal and I waited for the elation to hit. Instead I felt incredibly down and tearful.
Others were disappearing with friends and supporters and all I could think about was the stress of getting back on various trains etc.
At this point I need to say a huge Thankyou to Bill. A friendly face arrived just in time to cheer me up. I'm only sorry I was so tired and had to rush off. But I really appreciated him making the effort to come over early In The morning just to support me. I felt a little less lonely because of his efforts.
Anyway, that's pretty much the nightrider experience, except to say Thankyou to all those who sponsored me. I'm sure the mayhew will appreciate the contribution. And instead of the original 100 km I actually managed 114!
Now I'd better start training for the walk......
I woke up quite anxious on Saturday morning, but not because of the cycling. The anxiety was about getting myself and the bike packed up and down to London. The carrier I got for the back of my car is quite difficult to fit, maybe because my car is a little panda; then I have trouble lifting the bike onto the carrier as its pretty high up. Could really do with some help to do all that, but I managed eventually. Of course, it was all to undo again at the station, so I had to give myself loads of time before the train.
The anxiety stayed with me for the journey as I then had to negotiate my way across London. Firstly cycling from euston to highbury then getting the London overground to crystal palace. In the end it all went fairly smoothly and I started to relax as I got near.
It gets darker quite a bit sooner down there than it does at home so was dark long before the ride was due to start. Crystal palace was pitch black when I cycled in though the trees, avoiding potholes. The check in was lit and cyclists were milling about everywhere. I'd arrived earlier than I should have, so hung around watching, having bought a cuppa from the catering van. Everyone was in a group chattering excitedly about the night to come, but as I am rubbish at making conversation with strangers I simply watched them. 75 cyclists set off at a time at 5 minute intervals. I was in the 10 th group and positioned myself at the back of that group as watching the previous groups it was apparent that a lot of the younger chaps were racing off. Unlike me.
The start was good - downhill. Then it was all about watching out for the yellow signs. Half a mile into the ride my front light fell off. The bracket had sheared and I'd nothing with me to fix it on with. I'd stopped to try and fix it by which time the other 74 in my group were long gone.
So off I set, front light clutched in my left hand, following the signs, soon being overtaken by some of the speed cyclists in the next group.
The route flattened out and the cycling was fairly easy. I was soon passing lots of cycles upturned at the side of the roads with punctures; seems those road bikes with thin tyres are not very resistant to potholes and are very prone to punctures! My little hybrid bike with its thick tyres managed the whole route intact... Even if it did go a lot slower.
The first break point came quickly at 22 km. it was just beside tower bridge and gave us a lovely view of the lit bridge. The mechanic at this break couldn't help with my light, so I rode off still clutching it.
Riding through canary wharf was pretty eerie on my own, but better than some of the busier areas, where there were loads of drunks coming out of clubs jumping out in front of the bikes or shouting at us as we passed. Some were very encouraging though and clapped and cheered as we passed.
I was getting into my stride by now and the pace was quite steady. I was even passing lots of other cyclists, but it was at that point that we first went off route. Some drunk had moved one of the signs, so the group I was following set off in the wrong direction. It was a mile or two before we all realised, having to retrace our route to the last sign. Luckily someone had downloaded the route to satnav so we were able to pick it up again.
Second break point and this time the mechanic was really helpful and tied my light on with cable ties; plus I got a couple of energy chocolate bars to nibble on.
Not long after that I rounded a bend and had to swerve to avoid a maniac car coming towards me. Shortly after that I came across some police cars and an ambulance just pulling away - one of our cyclists had been knocked over by that same car. Hit and run. Stolen car I believe, that was set on fire not far away. Poor lady cyclist was very badly shocked and bruised, but Im told she is ok.
Before the third break at Alexandra palace the birds started their dawn chorus. Lovely in the quiet streets at 3 am. Also saw several foxes and a squirrel. The hill up to Alexandra palace was evil and I was ready for the sandwich and tea that was on offer at the top.
The sun came up as I was eating and the view over London was spectacular. Incredibly, the night had stayed dry and the sunrise actually brought sunshine.
More hills followed, but flatter ground came again before the last bereak at the imperial war museum.
Last lap I thought. Only 20km to go.
Wrong! I must have been tired by this time as I foolishly followed a small group of cyclists who'd missed a sign and carried on through Knightsbridge to hammersmith instead of turning at the royal Albert hall. After 2.5 miles I realised this was totally wrong and so did they. They decided to head off, while I retraced my steps to the last sign, adding another 5 or so miles to the route. Getting tired by this time, I was cycling completely alone thinking I must by now be last.
I wasn't and soon passed some other stragglers. Quite a few actually, so didn't feel too bad. Some killer hills were to come at the end and by the time I saw the crystal palace park I was so ready to finish.
Someone handed me a medal and I waited for the elation to hit. Instead I felt incredibly down and tearful.
Others were disappearing with friends and supporters and all I could think about was the stress of getting back on various trains etc.
At this point I need to say a huge Thankyou to Bill. A friendly face arrived just in time to cheer me up. I'm only sorry I was so tired and had to rush off. But I really appreciated him making the effort to come over early In The morning just to support me. I felt a little less lonely because of his efforts.
Anyway, that's pretty much the nightrider experience, except to say Thankyou to all those who sponsored me. I'm sure the mayhew will appreciate the contribution. And instead of the original 100 km I actually managed 114!
Now I'd better start training for the walk......
Friday 8 June 2012
nightrider
After the last dismal blog entry, I felt I should say a few positive things today.
Feeling a bit better today as I met up with two cousins last night that I haven't seen since at least 1974! It was really nice to see them, so woke this morning with less of a cloud overhead :)
Tomorrow, I'm going to London to take part in the Nightrider challenge. Feeling quite positive about it, I guess. The weather forecast isn't great, but a bit of rain never killed anyone. 100 km is a long ride and should take about 7.5 hours at my speed (inc stops) so my biggest problem will be tiredness afterwards as I do like my sleep. But I expect the adrenalin will keep me awake for the duration.
I'll try and take some photos - apparently it's awesome going over Tower bridge at night, so will report back on here at some point.
Meanwhile, I'm going to check the bike, put a bit of air in the tyres and have an early night to catch up on the ZZZZZs.
Feeling a bit better today as I met up with two cousins last night that I haven't seen since at least 1974! It was really nice to see them, so woke this morning with less of a cloud overhead :)
Tomorrow, I'm going to London to take part in the Nightrider challenge. Feeling quite positive about it, I guess. The weather forecast isn't great, but a bit of rain never killed anyone. 100 km is a long ride and should take about 7.5 hours at my speed (inc stops) so my biggest problem will be tiredness afterwards as I do like my sleep. But I expect the adrenalin will keep me awake for the duration.
I'll try and take some photos - apparently it's awesome going over Tower bridge at night, so will report back on here at some point.
Meanwhile, I'm going to check the bike, put a bit of air in the tyres and have an early night to catch up on the ZZZZZs.
Tuesday 5 June 2012
mornings
Here I go, indulging myself yet again.
But the truth is, dear reader whoever you may be, is that you are the only person I can talk to. There's nobody in my 'real life' that I can share my miserable thoughts with.
Funny thing depression. It's not that I don't try get better, I try very hard. The anti depressants I take do help of course, by keeping the worst despair at bay most of the time. But they can't cure me. I have to do that - and I kind of know what I need to do, but I just can't do it. It's impossible from where I sit.
I was reading a list this morning - 10 steps to happiness, which I'd hopefully downloaded just to see if there was anything new to try.
1. Exercise. Check. I already do loads. eg yesterday I walked 6 miles, then cycled 80 km. Still didn't feel happy.
2. Eat bananas. They contain a happy chemical. Check - I eat a banana every morning.
3. Go outside and appreciate the world around you/go for a walk with a friend. Check. I walk nearly every day; I adore the countryside around me and never take it for granted. What friend?
4. Eat 5 a day. Check. Do that.
5. Eat porridge every day for breakfast. Check. Do that (with my banana and blueberries).
6. Exercise faster to get out of breath. What? Cycling up hills over 80 km not fast enough for ya?
7. Play music. Check. Couldn't live without music.
8. Cut out fast food. What fast food?
9. Do something nice for someone every day. Check. Already do that in my own way. You know, give lifts, listen to peoples problems, etc...
10. Write down happy things you've done/enjoyed/felt close to someone. OK I don't write them down, but I do enjoy things. I go on trips and love to see new places; when I do meet up with long distance friends I enjoy their company. Yes, even depressed people can enjoy stuff.
But back to mornings, and here's the thing. When I wake up EVERY day I wake with a dark, dark weight pushing me down. My first thought is bitter disappointment that I've actually woken up once again to face a day that I have to somehow get myself through. I'll never commit suicide - I'm not brave enough to do that; I just long for that morning when I don't actually wake up.
Since I have woken up, the battle commences. Somehow I have to get myself from this deep pit of misery into a state where I can function with the people around me. I have to build the character I am going to be. Some mornings it takes longer than others; on good days I can do it fairly quickly, but most of the time it takes a while. Today I couldn't do it at all and have been in the pit all day.
The struggle is there immediately my eyes open. To force myself out of the safe cocoon of my bed and try to put on that BM persona that everyone knows how to cope with. The fight can sometimes take ages, making me late - on those days it just seems so pointless to even try: to make myself go through the same routines for what purpose? If I do manage to get out of bed, I'm nearly defeated once more as soon as I see that hideous face looking back at me from the bathroom mirror. I've always been ugly, but nowadays those black circles round my eyes and the bags... horrible.
When I eventually manage to create my character, nobody guesses how bad I am. They all think I'm better. I'm good at pretending; I've been doing it all my life. It's just a bit harder now.
I am sorry for the self indulgent whining.
And if you read it, thank you.
I just needed to feel that somebody, somewhere knows the real me and how I feel. Even if I don't know who you are...
I've been told that it's foolish to post stuff like this on the Internet and that I'm making myself vulnerable. But I'm way, way past caring what people think of me.....
thank you for listening to me. x
But the truth is, dear reader whoever you may be, is that you are the only person I can talk to. There's nobody in my 'real life' that I can share my miserable thoughts with.
Funny thing depression. It's not that I don't try get better, I try very hard. The anti depressants I take do help of course, by keeping the worst despair at bay most of the time. But they can't cure me. I have to do that - and I kind of know what I need to do, but I just can't do it. It's impossible from where I sit.
I was reading a list this morning - 10 steps to happiness, which I'd hopefully downloaded just to see if there was anything new to try.
1. Exercise. Check. I already do loads. eg yesterday I walked 6 miles, then cycled 80 km. Still didn't feel happy.
2. Eat bananas. They contain a happy chemical. Check - I eat a banana every morning.
3. Go outside and appreciate the world around you/go for a walk with a friend. Check. I walk nearly every day; I adore the countryside around me and never take it for granted. What friend?
4. Eat 5 a day. Check. Do that.
5. Eat porridge every day for breakfast. Check. Do that (with my banana and blueberries).
6. Exercise faster to get out of breath. What? Cycling up hills over 80 km not fast enough for ya?
7. Play music. Check. Couldn't live without music.
8. Cut out fast food. What fast food?
9. Do something nice for someone every day. Check. Already do that in my own way. You know, give lifts, listen to peoples problems, etc...
10. Write down happy things you've done/enjoyed/felt close to someone. OK I don't write them down, but I do enjoy things. I go on trips and love to see new places; when I do meet up with long distance friends I enjoy their company. Yes, even depressed people can enjoy stuff.
But back to mornings, and here's the thing. When I wake up EVERY day I wake with a dark, dark weight pushing me down. My first thought is bitter disappointment that I've actually woken up once again to face a day that I have to somehow get myself through. I'll never commit suicide - I'm not brave enough to do that; I just long for that morning when I don't actually wake up.
Since I have woken up, the battle commences. Somehow I have to get myself from this deep pit of misery into a state where I can function with the people around me. I have to build the character I am going to be. Some mornings it takes longer than others; on good days I can do it fairly quickly, but most of the time it takes a while. Today I couldn't do it at all and have been in the pit all day.
The struggle is there immediately my eyes open. To force myself out of the safe cocoon of my bed and try to put on that BM persona that everyone knows how to cope with. The fight can sometimes take ages, making me late - on those days it just seems so pointless to even try: to make myself go through the same routines for what purpose? If I do manage to get out of bed, I'm nearly defeated once more as soon as I see that hideous face looking back at me from the bathroom mirror. I've always been ugly, but nowadays those black circles round my eyes and the bags... horrible.
When I eventually manage to create my character, nobody guesses how bad I am. They all think I'm better. I'm good at pretending; I've been doing it all my life. It's just a bit harder now.
I am sorry for the self indulgent whining.
And if you read it, thank you.
I just needed to feel that somebody, somewhere knows the real me and how I feel. Even if I don't know who you are...
I've been told that it's foolish to post stuff like this on the Internet and that I'm making myself vulnerable. But I'm way, way past caring what people think of me.....
thank you for listening to me. x
Sunday 3 June 2012
Green
Good colour, green.
While doing a picture today, I found that I needed more greens. Some of the leaves were almost yellow, while in the darkest recesses the shadow greens were so dark, intermingled with purples.
Colour is a strange phenomenon actually. Did you know that the brain can't remember colour?
Or that the eye can't see as many variations in yellow as it can in all the other colours?
Colour is measured nowadays on quite sophisticated spectrophometers. These machines can fairly accurately match colours, suggesting what colour needs adding to achieve the required shade. They are still not as good as the experience of a good technician. I reckon that our team can all beat the Spectro every time. It will get the right result, but not as quickly as we humans.
The measurement of colour is based on a mathematical system, in which colour is represented by a three dimensional sphere.
The system is known as CieLab. The L axis measures lightness/darkness and goes from white to black. The a axis measures the red/green spectrum, while the b axis measures Yellow/blue.using those three parameters it's possible to measure colour.
The overall colour measurement is known as deltaE. (no mathematical symbols on the iPad so I ned to type the full words).
The one other influence on a colour is chroma. Chroma is the strength of a colour, which is difficult to explain, but is essentially how much colour is available to be reflected in the visible light spectrum.
So we have darkness/lightness; chroma and HUE, which is the colour itself.
I find it a fascinating subject, colour chemistry. But I do realise that I have probably bored you to death by now so I'll shut up and get back to choosing the right green for my picture......
While doing a picture today, I found that I needed more greens. Some of the leaves were almost yellow, while in the darkest recesses the shadow greens were so dark, intermingled with purples.
Colour is a strange phenomenon actually. Did you know that the brain can't remember colour?
Or that the eye can't see as many variations in yellow as it can in all the other colours?
Colour is measured nowadays on quite sophisticated spectrophometers. These machines can fairly accurately match colours, suggesting what colour needs adding to achieve the required shade. They are still not as good as the experience of a good technician. I reckon that our team can all beat the Spectro every time. It will get the right result, but not as quickly as we humans.
The measurement of colour is based on a mathematical system, in which colour is represented by a three dimensional sphere.
The system is known as CieLab. The L axis measures lightness/darkness and goes from white to black. The a axis measures the red/green spectrum, while the b axis measures Yellow/blue.using those three parameters it's possible to measure colour.
The overall colour measurement is known as deltaE. (no mathematical symbols on the iPad so I ned to type the full words).
The one other influence on a colour is chroma. Chroma is the strength of a colour, which is difficult to explain, but is essentially how much colour is available to be reflected in the visible light spectrum.
So we have darkness/lightness; chroma and HUE, which is the colour itself.
I find it a fascinating subject, colour chemistry. But I do realise that I have probably bored you to death by now so I'll shut up and get back to choosing the right green for my picture......